Monday, February 21, 2011

letting Him extend His love

Waking up Monday, it once again didn't make sense how filled with the Holy Spirit I was. After an exhausting weekend of loving on people and a previous week filled with insomnia, He once again carried my legs to class, filling me with His joy and peace. He gave me enough energy to pay attention and enough joy to be excited to do what I hadn't done much of yet: study for the Developmental test I had the next day.

I read and study best and most quick and efficiently on an exercise bike at the wellness center, so I sat down, sent out a text message to a few girls who the Spirit moved me to encourage and immediately got a call from a friend. She was crying too hard to even get many words out.

God was with me. He carried me quickly to her side to listen, love, and comfort her. She was lost. Had nothing. Her family didn't want anything to do with her at the time and her boyfriend broke up with her without explanation. She had nothing. No reason to live. She wanted to kill herself. I was filled with love and compassion for her. The girl desperately needs Hope, Security, Love. She needs Jesus.

The Holy Spirit spoke through me telling her of Jesus's love for her. Telling her He, not relationships, family, alcohol, drugs, or anything else, is what she needs. I don't know if those words affected her. I desperately want her to understand how much Jesus loves her. I know it may take a long time, but I have hope for her. She is so dear to my heart. She is a very beautiful, loving, fun, and silly girl. I am so thankful for her friendship and thankful God gave me the strength to be there for her.

I was seriously worried for my friends life. Because she was suicidal, I felt that someone should stay with her all day. I stayed with her the whole morning and called my faithful partner Matt to ask if he could stay with her while I went to our Personality class and took notes for us. Matt is so amazing. He came right over.

Our struggling friend had gone to meet her boyfriend who was going to drop off all her stuff. She said she wanted to go alone and would be right back. I went to do some Psychology experiments and go to class. Matt was calling and texting. It had been almost an hour since our friend left, and she still hadn't returned!!! Matt was searching for her... My stomach was upset. I wanted to throw up the lunch I hadn't had time to eat. I ran into my friend Chelsea, which was such a blessing! She was willing to give up everything to help our friend for the rest of the day. Jared was also willing to do the same. Everyone in our LCM family of Christ was eager to pray, help, and love. The group is such a blessing!!!

During class I was sick to my stomach with anxiety. Matt texted me that she was on her way back, but I had to wait another half hour to get a text from our friend confirming to me she was back. I was filled with joy from her text, "Matt is a hufflepuff!"

I really experienced what it feels like to be a mom this week. Feeling sick with anxiety and worried about my daughter's life. Matt proved to be such an AMAZING partner. I know he will be a great dad. I am so thankful for our constant communication and how loving and sacrificial he is.

After class I rushed back to my friend and stayed with her while she rested until supper. I was really happy to be there. It is amazing I even had the strength during this hard, stressful, and exhausting week to give up my time and be there for her. It was all God!! I was filled with God's peace and able to study. At supper our group showered love and hugs on our friend. She was already doing better. She had been gone a long time ealier because her boyfriend was apologizing and explaining to her the reason for the breakup. He thought he was going to have to leave the country. But now he is probably staying, and he apologized to her. She was happy about that and hopeful. She was still crying a lot, broken, and really needed all of our love and support. Everyone came together and was beautifully loving.

After supper a group of five of us including our friend, two other girls, me and Matt, all sat on computers in the ROC. It was a party! It was definitely one of my favorite nights of the year. Hilarious and uplifting songs and videos were played, we wrote on each others facebook walls, and laughed a ton. It was a blast!!!

Only at the very end, by 10pm, did I start to feel test anxiety attacking me, breaking through the amazing peace I had been filled from the Holy Spirit for most of the day. I knew I needed to get away and give the worries to God. Loving my friend had been so much more important than anything, and God would help me on the test. I waited to make sure my friend would be okay. She said the suicidal thoughts had been gone since early afternoon. We trusted her to go to bed and contact any of us if she struggled again.

That night I struggled a little bit with text anxiety, but I was happy to give the test to God. I had faith He would help me. An academic test is nothing in importance compared to loving Him and showing others His love.

I went to bed thankful beyond belief for God keeping our friend alive. I was so incredibly thankful for all God had done that day!!! I couldn't believe how much peace and joy He poured out to me to keep me going. It was only by letting the Holy Spirit control me that any of the sacrificial love I gave was possible. It wasn't even me, it was all God!! God is SO GOOD!!!!

"Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
-Colossians 2:6-7

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."
-Galatians 5:6

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