Sunday, August 28, 2011

songs that speak to me

I've started a song collection on youtube with playlists that contain songs that speak to me, help me when I'm struggling, and inspire me to just let Him love and hold me through everything.

Here is the link to the youtube playlist/channel I created:

My name is waiting4myJesus

I am putting songs into 4 categories so far: "when everything falls apart"
"reasons for hope"
"why I praise"
"while I'm waiting"

My hope is that others will run into the channel and the songs will remind them of God's beautiful love, compassion and mercy for all of us and of the Hope, freedom, Life, promises, and Joy we have in Christ alone. 

I listen to my friend Kaitlyn's playlists: "Kaitlyn122's Channel" often. Especially when I am struggling. When I need His grace and love desperately, to save me from all the fears and from the failure I feel in this world. I need to listen to songs like these every day. I am just a broken sinner, constantly in need of His Word, His compassion, His mercy, love, and grace.

... He is SO GOOD.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Pokémon & Praise

I really love when the kids play Pokémon . It makes me smile wide, inside and outside. First off, it reminds me of Matt. Okay, that's the main reason!! Haha. But secondly, to me playing and liking Pokémon represents child-like faith and simplicity. Jut getting lost in something simple. Being a kid. Playing like a kid. Imagining like a kid. Going on an adventure like a kid. Having fun! Child-like faith and joy.

I love watching the kids as they run around outside. One kid being Pikachu, another being Squirtle. Whenever they starting talking about Pokémon I always tell them, "I wish my boyfriend Matt was here. He loves Pokémon and would love to talk to you about it!"

Another thing I really love, even more, is when the kids talk about Heaven! I've smiled widely listeing to them talk about this multiple times.

"When we got to Heaven we all become angels."
"No," (I said,) "We don't become angels. Angels are separate. I don't know exactly what we are like in Heaven, but I'm guessing we are like Jesus after He rose from the dead. A Spirit and a body. Still able to eat food, but maybe able to go through walls? We don't know exactly what we'll be like, but we do know we will be filled with joy. There will be no tears, no pain, nothing bad."
"Ya." (huge adorable smile) "We will be happy!"
"I think in Heaven I will probably play games." (cute dreamy smile)
"Yes, I think you're right. You probably will."
"If my soul remembers it, I bet I will probably play Pokémon in Heaven."
"Yes, I really bet you will." :D

One day as I was bringing the kids to a Red Hawks baseball game, I was singing to the music, smiling wide, thinking, "Driving a van full of kids, hearing half of them singing sweetly and innocently to the Christian music on the radio and hearing half of them talking excitedly about Pokémon, it doesn't get better than this." :D :D :D

Mark 10
The Little Children and Jesus
13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.
-Mark 10: 13-16

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I'm a struggling, anxious mess.

This weekend I've really been struggling. Struggling with anxiety. Struggling to let go of all my idols: especially time and getting stuff done. It has been horrible. I just want everything to go MY WAY. Even though God's way is so much better...


I am stuck in my own mess.

I won't let go of my selfish anxieties, fears, and desires.

I desperately need His mercy.
I need Him, but I keep choosing me.

... All I can do is keep asking for help. It is so hard for me to let go. Of all these anxieties, fears, and idols I've held onto for so many years.

I just need Him.
Please pray I will surrender fully.

And pray I will accept His mercy and grace. I have A LOT trouble forgiving myself. The guilt and shame attack bad. It is all about grace. He still loves and forgives me, more than anything, even though I am constantly messing up!!

I am so incredibly thankful for that kind of mercy and love. :D I just want to thank Him, praise Him, surrender, and do the hardest part: change.

I know it is only when I am filled with thankfulness, joy, and peace over His grace, that He becomes my strength. Allowing Him to be my strength is the only way I am able to surrender and change. And that starts with thanking Him for His mercy.

Please pray for me to be able to do that. It is REALLY really hard right now.
Thank you.

... It has been SO HARD. It is SO HARD for me to give Him what I want to do most, but He wants it. He wants that time, that love to be ALL FOR HIM. He wants me. He wants EVERYTHING.

It is SO HARD for me to give Him everything, to rest in Him, just let Him love me, and to trust Him with everything.
But that's what I'm going to try to do, with His strength.

His grace, love, mercy, and peace are AMAZING. :D

... Later,

it feels SO GOOD now to have given Him what was so hard to give!!! I feel filled with joy instead of guilt and shame. :D I know the sacrifice is worth it to Him. And I know, even though I am still selfish and sinful in so many ways, and even though I will still struggle with the same thing again, HE FORGIVES ME. And loves me. No matter what I do!!! He delights in me. To God I am His beautiful daughter, and to Jesus I am the bride He longs to finally hold. :D

Monday, August 1, 2011

kids and the healing power of Jesus

I love my job and wish I could work at Christian childcare for life. Watching the kids really fills me with happiness and love, a smile in my heart. ... :)

I get to do Devotion (a Bible study!) with them every morning. I smile wide inside as they really listen, hear, understand, and take interest in the Bible messages. One time I talked about how Jesus has the ability to heal us of sickness, disease, wounds, pain, addictions, etc. We had to put a limit on how many kids could share. All of them had stories! Multiple stories. :D I got to hear them all throughout that day!

During that devotion another teacher shared how prayer helped her miraculously recover in unexpected ways after a surgery. One kid shared how her grandpa was supposed to have surgery and everyone was praying for him about it. Then on the day of the surgery, the doctors couldn't believe it, he was already miraculously healed!! The doctors had to send him back home. He was perfectly healed. I've heard multiple stories from other people about this same thing happening as a result of prayer.

Kids shared about relatives who were expected to die living, as a result of prayers from their family and community. I shared about being healed from some anxiety disorders.

The point of the devotion about healings from Jesus is found in Acts 4. When Jesus heals us or people we should share it with others so that they might believe in Him. And we can use that time to tell people how to be saved from hell: by believing in Jesus.

Acts 4

Peter and John Before the Sanhedrin
1 The priests and the captain of the temple guard and the Sadducees came up to Peter and John while they were speaking to the people. 2 They were greatly disturbed because the apostles were teaching the people, proclaiming in Jesus the resurrection of the dead. 3 They seized Peter and John and, because it was evening, they put them in jail until the next day. 4 But many who heard the message believed; so the number of men who believed grew to about five thousand.

5 The next day the rulers, the elders and the teachers of the law met in Jerusalem. 6 Annas the high priest was there, and so were Caiaphas, John, Alexander and others of the high priest’s family. 7 They had Peter and John brought before them and began to question them: “By what power or what name did you do this?”

8 Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people! 9 If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a man who was lame and are being asked how he was healed, 10 then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11 Jesus is

“‘the stone you builders rejected,
which has become the cornerstone.’[a]

12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. 14 But since they could see the man who had been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say. 15 So they ordered them to withdraw from the Sanhedrin and then conferred together. 16 “What are we going to do with these men?” they asked. “Everyone living in Jerusalem knows they have performed a notable sign, and we cannot deny it. 17 But to stop this thing from spreading any further among the people, we must warn them to speak no longer to anyone in this name.”

18 Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. 19 But Peter and John replied, “Which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to you, or to him? You be the judges! 20 As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”

21 After further threats they let them go. They could not decide how to punish them, because all the people were praising God for what had happened. 22 For the man who was miraculously healed was over forty years old.

The kids understood this point! They get that people are saved or unsaved by believing or not believing in Jesus Christ. That blows my mind and excites me! I didn't understand that fully until last year.

I shared with them miracles I've seen this year like the wellness center miracle and how I've shared these miracles with nonbelievers. I can see people being surprised. Seeds being planted!

Jesus is working every day. We have so many reasons and opportunities to share with others about the salvation that comes only from Him. :) And we have nothing to fear! He will help us.