Thursday, October 18, 2012

make me think.

Today in our psych class we were asked if we close our eyes and raise our hand if we would stop to help a man if he was laying on the ground unconscious as we were walking through downtown Fargo/a city street. We were then asked if we would stop if the man was holding a beer can. I didn't raise my hand for either. It was announced that almost the whole class said they would in both situations.

We then were shown this video and a few others. The videos made me cry a few times. Wow.

Thanks to that class today, I think I'd be a tiny bit more likely to stop. 

It's very very sad how selfish and focused on what I'm doing/want to do I constantly am.

Other things that have touched me today...

Hebrews 13 

      Let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
  So we may boldly say:
“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  

Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For it is good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them.

10 We have an altar from which those who serve the tabernacle have no right to eat. 11 For the bodies of those animals, whose blood is brought into the sanctuary by the high priest for sin, are burned outside the camp. 12 Therefore Jesus also, that He might sanctify the people with His own blood, suffered outside the gate.  

13 Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach. 14 For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. 15 Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. 16 But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

18 Pray for us; for we are confident that we have a good conscience, in all things desiring to live honorably. 19 But I especially urge you to do this, that I may be restored to you the sooner.

20 Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, 21 make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
22 And I appeal to you, brethren, bear with the word of exhortation, for I have written to you in few words.  

23 Know that our brother Timothy has been set free, with whom I shall see you if he comes shortly.
24 Greet all those who rule over you, and all the saints. Those from Italy greet you.

25 Grace be with you all. Amen."



These three things aren't necessarily very related at all. They are just three things among many on my mind. God is so infinitely forgiving, loving, and saving. 
I owe everything to His grace.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Thursday, October 11, 2012

here and now

I don't know what the future holds, but I know it holds Jesus loving me, and that's all that matters.

I also know it holds me loving God, and my family, friends, kids, and others...
all of that excites me.
I am truly blessed and don't have a thing to fear.
Just gotta enjoy the present with Him, doing all I do for those I love.  


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

this is it.

What must've happened (on Sunday) only by God and not by me, as it always does, I've let go again. Completely.

And I'm back to where I was before the mourning came back in full last week.

It feels amazing. To not want what I don't have.
To not be thinking about what I wish for right now or the future.
But to just want Jesus and God's plan for me.

This is it. This is me. This is my life.
And I'm constantly learning to love more and to truly let myself embrace who I am in Him.

It feels so good.
To just trust Him. With everything. Knowing He has the best plan. Knowing He's holding me. Knowing I have nothing to fear because He loves me despite all my flaws, sins, and weaknesses. He loves me and wants to bless me in every way even though I am constantly completely unworthy of this kind of love.

He just loves me.

And I am embracing this. Loving this.
Being me.
Working as hard as I possibly can on all the many things I want to do for God and my family and all the people I get to love each day.

This is who I am. This is what I love to do for Him.
And I got to just take every second as it comes. An unexpected adventure with Jesus.

I love no longer wanting something I don't have. And I am no longer being in any pain or sadness.
It is all only by God. I couldn't have gotten out of that by myself at all. Prayers are truly being answered.

Now I still am asking my friend to pray for me every day, but for different things.

Thank You God for this.
For bringing me back to where I was before I struggled so bad last week.
Back to embracing life with You.

Please pray I can be more content with everything I have. I am no longer struggling in the area I was last week at all, but of course I still struggle with all kinds of selfish thoughts and desires for things in my life to be different than they are. I want to truly only want Jesus and everything I have.

"Be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." -James 4:13-17

"Oh my soul, wait silently for God alone,
for my hope comes from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
for God is our refuge."
-Psalm 62:5-8

Monday, October 8, 2012

my battle lately

So lately I've been asking my friend to pray for me every single day.
Every day I struggle so much to get "out of my mind."

It's a huge battle.
And I want so badly to stop.

No more "could've beens," "should've beens," or "could bes..."
It's really hard when my heart is still breaking. I'm still grieving my loss. And my heart is also having trouble accepting what to it just doesn't make sense, just isn't right. 

It's so hard to keep me out of my mind. My mind just won't stop.
No matter how badly I want to just let go. move on. trust God. and focus on Him and what I have and what I'm doing... No matter how much I know and believe the truths deep down that God's plan is so much better and that what I already have in Him is so much better, it's still a constant battle.

The music of the world around me sure doesn't help any either.

... but with the help of prayers and the help of God, I know He can help turn this horrible weakness into a strength. I know it's going to be a battle every day of my life. Not with the same things, but with whatever my mind wants to focus on each day!! This has been a constant battle and will be my whole life...

but it's silly.
It's gotta stop.

When what I have is unbelievable.

I have Jesus.

A Savior with His arms stretched. A Savior who loves me enough to lay down His life for me.
And a God who blesses me beyond belief on this earth.

I want so badly to do this for Jesus.
To just let Him be enough.

To focus on Him.
Let Him wrap me in His love.
And to focus on my family, my friends, the kids, dancing for Jesus and my grandma and my future, all the many things I am doing for others... to just do what I love: to work hard for my fam and God... and to do it all while out of my mind. To just trust Him with everything. With the future. With the present. With everything and everyone. With my whole life. That's the struggle. To stay out of my mind and do all I do for God, while letting myself be wrapped in God's love.

All while focusing on the Word of God, His love, Jesus, the songs He plays for us, the things He speaks to my heart...

all while focused on Him, on praying for others, and just on the cross...

it's a war I need prayer for.
it's a war I can already feel the prayers being answered for every day. Today was a really good day.
But I'm still so weak to it, all day, all the time. And the prayers for it will never be wasted and never be not needed.

This is what God deserves. and my family and everyone who I love each day deserves.
I am so blessed beyond words to be doing exactly what I'm doing.
To be romanced by my King. To be called by Him to do all the things I love.
To love on my fam, the kids at work, dance with and for Jesus and others, and most of all to love and be loved by Him.

I gotta get "outta my mind" and into His heart.
I want to do this for Him.

Be captured by the cross.
Be focused on Jesus.

(Every lyric of this song is exactly my prayer/thoughts lately. Listen to the lyrics...)

"Oh the wonderful cross 
Love so amazing, so divine 
Demands my soul, my life, my all..."