Wednesday, October 10, 2012

this is it.

What must've happened (on Sunday) only by God and not by me, as it always does, I've let go again. Completely.

And I'm back to where I was before the mourning came back in full last week.

It feels amazing. To not want what I don't have.
To not be thinking about what I wish for right now or the future.
But to just want Jesus and God's plan for me.

This is it. This is me. This is my life.
And I'm constantly learning to love more and to truly let myself embrace who I am in Him.

It feels so good.
To just trust Him. With everything. Knowing He has the best plan. Knowing He's holding me. Knowing I have nothing to fear because He loves me despite all my flaws, sins, and weaknesses. He loves me and wants to bless me in every way even though I am constantly completely unworthy of this kind of love.

He just loves me.

And I am embracing this. Loving this.
Being me.
Working as hard as I possibly can on all the many things I want to do for God and my family and all the people I get to love each day.

This is who I am. This is what I love to do for Him.
And I got to just take every second as it comes. An unexpected adventure with Jesus.

I love no longer wanting something I don't have. And I am no longer being in any pain or sadness.
It is all only by God. I couldn't have gotten out of that by myself at all. Prayers are truly being answered.

Now I still am asking my friend to pray for me every day, but for different things.

Thank You God for this.
For bringing me back to where I was before I struggled so bad last week.
Back to embracing life with You.

Please pray I can be more content with everything I have. I am no longer struggling in the area I was last week at all, but of course I still struggle with all kinds of selfish thoughts and desires for things in my life to be different than they are. I want to truly only want Jesus and everything I have.

"Be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." -James 4:13-17

"Oh my soul, wait silently for God alone,
for my hope comes from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
for God is our refuge."
-Psalm 62:5-8

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