Monday, December 31, 2012

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

I started thinking about the fact that it's new years/2012/all of it while I was working in the toddler room today. 

It's a lot.


Was a year of mourning. Of beginning to learn for the first time, what that means, what it feels like, for me.

As the year comes to a close, I'm still mourning. It's painful. I don't want to be. And it's too much. It's too much that I just don't even want to feel it or to think. It's sad. and it hurts. And just when I don't expect it to, it brings tears to my eyes again, or just plain makes me cry again. It happens more often than I expect. It's raw and deep, and I guess there's a lot of hurt there that I somewhat wish wasn't but even more-so would never want it to not be.

I am broken in ways. and there are things I am more saddened by than I want to admit to myself or let myself feel, but I obviously am. 

Though I am saddened by things, I am thankful for them even more. With every tear of pain or feeling of sadness or hurt, there's even more feelings of thankfulness and beauty. joy. Feelings of thankfulness over what God is doing and Who God is. I deeply trust that God's piecing together every piece of every puzzle perfectly

yes, in 2012 I lost a lot and am still missing and mourning that.

but no matter what, when I think of all God is: the fact that He died on the cross in my place and all He's doing in my life...  when I think of who He's making me and what He wants me to do for Him and with Him, all the things I get to do each day... all I want to do is bow down and scream "I don't deserve any of it."

In 2012 I sure as heck gained a lot.

This year my health and sleep has improved 100-fold.
God has brought me out of and into places I can't even believe.

I gained unshakeable confidence that God has my life in His hands. That I don't have to fear about anything because of that.

This has been the best year of my life with my family and God.
Times with family keep getting better and better and better. I miss the times with grandma. I'm thankful that the good times with her were part of when this special time period started. Like I said, times with family, on both sides, and I'm talking immediate and extended, are just getting better and better. I am so excited for what is yet to come, and the times we've had lately just leave me smiling. I feel so blessed by my family that it overwhelms me, and I want to give back to these people who have given me so much that I could never deserve. Time with them has become more important to me than almost anything. 

I also gained so much love from kids and coworkers and friends (and love for them too). More love than I could've ever imagined and can ever get over. The pictures all over my room and piled high everywhere from the kids are only a tiny bit of the proof. I am loved and needed. and man is it beautiful. I can't even get over how excited I am to continue loving on kids and being loved by kids forever. I also am way too blessed by the best coworkers and workplace ever. ya... I have people who show me God's love in my life big time. Starting with my family and extending to my friends, coworkers, the kids, the cooks at Kise... so many amazing people.


In 2012 I learned more fully how to love and forgive myself.

How to forgive myself as I constantly do or say things I wish I wouldn't of, as I continuously am just immature, speak too quickly, or act out of selfishness. I'm learning to forgive myself, knowing the best thing I can do, even if it is always the hardest thing, is forgive myself and move on.

I'm also learning to not be afraid to be me.

Instead of trying I'm learning to just let go.

Be me.
Confidently and bravely be me.

Let God use me as He made me. Be me, and let God shine through my weaknesses and shine in the ways only He can.

I'm coming out of this year more thankful and confident in God than I've ever been.

I'm excited to be me.Someone who is devoted to taking care of myself the best I can so that I can love on kids, my family, and all who I see each day. Someone who spends the alone time I need with God, who dances with Him (either literally or in my heart), and who lets God romance me and cover me in His mercy and grace. Someone who works. Who works as hard as time/God allows each day and does as much as time allows each day with kids and coworkers at my job, spending time with family and others, and then spending time making things for people! Editing photos, making people discs of music, putting together presents for people etc. ... This is who I am and who I am excited to be! This is me. :)

Most of all coming into 2013, I am excited to let God continue to break me, to remake me, to make me new, and make me who He wants me to be. I can tell, thanks be to God, that I've grown up a lot this year, but I still have a ginormous amount of growing up to do, and I know God will help me.

I'm interested to see what 2013 brings. I truly have no idea what's in-store. Each day always takes me by surprise so much as I learn to just let go and let God write it. Each day is exciting and beautiful.

Now, I'm excited to go home. To ring in this new year as we always do, with our family's annual night of playing games for prizes! :D

It's time for one year to end and another to start.
All I can say is thanks be to God for everything He's done, and thanks that I'm too blessed to ever deserve even a tiny bit of. I hope I can learn how to love Him and others better. That's what I want to work on this year. Truly loving and giving, unselfishly.

Thanks be to God for His grace and mercy.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

things I love.

Christmas time!

Sitting there beaming my face out watching the preschoolers completely steal the Christmas program (though the school-agers had a really cool Alphabet about Christmas time... "A is for Angel, Z is for Zeal..."). The two songs they sang completely stole the show, and they finished with their big, "Merry Christmas!"

Man... I won't get that day out of my head. Them so excited in their fancy red dresses. More excited than I've EVER seen them!!! Having me read them Christmas books and just so so excited...

then after the program we decorated cookies and made crafts with all the families of the kids at Hope. So much fun. ... And I even got to babysit two little boys I really love that night. ... And got my first Christmas card and letter from them!

... Ya,

what I love are the Christmas praise parties with Kaitlyn Nelson.

Going Christmas shopping with friends.

The feeling of having SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO AND GET READY AND GIVE to others that I can't possibly get even a tiny smidgbit of all I wish I could done.... but what I can do is work my fastest and hardest and take advantage of every shopping opportunity to make and find things for the many people I really want to give to this Christmas...

I love the excitement of the chance to just be with family. To play games with them. Sing with them!!! Decorate with them!! Watch them open their gifts. Watch movies with them. Make cookies with them. ... And just sing sing sing...

I love dancing to all the Christmas songs to Jesus, worshiping Him and imagining the story. The crazy and beautiful story of His birth. The great wonder and mystery of it all. The way He came... I can't even comprehend it or why... but it's fun to imagine it each day.

I love caroling at nursing homes!!

Ringing bells for the Salvation Army with my grandparents.

Going to all the Christmas programs and concerts!

Making crafts with the kids...

Making cards for people!

Finding little things for those cooks who spoil me with hard boiled eggs (just for m) every day!

Driving around looking at the lights (especially in Bismarck!)

Watching kids play in the snow....

Okay, I love it all.

And I also love how this song almost makes me cry. I can never comprehend how great His grace really is and how much I am blessed by God.

I can never thank Him for coming the way He did 2000 years ago.
A baby. To save us all.

Friday, December 14, 2012

nothing compares to what is to come

Today I've been thinking about my life and my life story so far and currently. All I can say is I don't deserve any of it. I can't even believe it's real. To me it's just too much. Too good. Too blessed. Too beautiful.

All that I've gotten to do and get to do each day has been so much. Every day is packed and special in it's own way, even if some were and are painful. All are special in different ways between me and God.

The people I've had or have in my life. Now that I just can't get over. I just can't get over how me, I, ever deserved any of it.

Any of this. ...

And I can't even imagine what's to come.

I am more undeserving and blessed than I can comprehend by how much God cares about me and how much He saves and helps me in every single thing and way.

The biggest blessing I have in this life and biggest thing that takes away all reason to fear or complain is His grace. And the promise of what is to come: Heaven.


Thinking about all this, all I can pray is that I do a better job at giving Him thanks and loving.

I am too blessed by God's love, grace, and Him being here. By what I have had, have, and by the anticipation of the unknown goodness yet to come.

How can I ever thank God for His love?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Psalm 107

We hear the first verse of this Psalm all the time, and I didn't realize it went with the rest of this...

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
    His love endures forever.

 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
    those He redeemed from the hand of the foe,
 those He gathered from the lands,
    from east and west, from north and south.

 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
    finding no way to a city where they could settle.
 They were hungry and thirsty,
    and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and He delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
    to a city where they could settle.
 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
    and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He satisfies the thirsty
    and fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
So He subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.

Some became fools through their rebellious ways
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them;
He rescued them from the grave.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of His works with songs of joy."
-Psalm 107:10-22

It's truly beautiful. God's love is.

Friday, November 2, 2012


Even though I'm not a big fan of cold weather and don't want it to snow because I don't want the roads to be bad, I can't deny I am thankful for the beauty of each and every day and season we have here.

The way the snow falls can be so beautiful sometimes.

It makes me smile and think of God.

Peace. That's what it reminds me of.

The fact that God is in control. That is timing is slow. (slower than mine)... Slow, steady, and perfect. 

Just as every snowflake falls slowly, beautifully, perfectly to the ground, everything will fall perfectly in place at the right time, if I just place it all in His hands.

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." -2 Peter 3:8-9

The moments when songs suddenly mean more than usual. When every lyric is like, wow, that's exactly what I need to hear right now.

Those moments are special.

God's love, that I am completely filthily undeserving of, is amazing. 

Every lyric of this song is me... and Him.

8 "The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will He harbor His anger forever;
10 He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the Heavens are above the earth,
so great is His love for those who fear Him;
12 as far as the East is from the West,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a Father has compassion on His children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him;"
-Psalm 103:8-13

 "Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."
-Micah 7:18-19 

  "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against Him;" -Daniel 9:9

 "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." -Hebrews 4:16

"This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."
-Matthew 26:28

Thursday, October 18, 2012

make me think.

Today in our psych class we were asked if we close our eyes and raise our hand if we would stop to help a man if he was laying on the ground unconscious as we were walking through downtown Fargo/a city street. We were then asked if we would stop if the man was holding a beer can. I didn't raise my hand for either. It was announced that almost the whole class said they would in both situations.

We then were shown this video and a few others. The videos made me cry a few times. Wow.

Thanks to that class today, I think I'd be a tiny bit more likely to stop. 

It's very very sad how selfish and focused on what I'm doing/want to do I constantly am.

Other things that have touched me today...

Hebrews 13 

      Let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
  So we may boldly say:
“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  

Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For it is good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them.

10 We have an altar from which those who serve the tabernacle have no right to eat. 11 For the bodies of those animals, whose blood is brought into the sanctuary by the high priest for sin, are burned outside the camp. 12 Therefore Jesus also, that He might sanctify the people with His own blood, suffered outside the gate.  

13 Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach. 14 For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. 15 Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. 16 But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

18 Pray for us; for we are confident that we have a good conscience, in all things desiring to live honorably. 19 But I especially urge you to do this, that I may be restored to you the sooner.

20 Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, 21 make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
22 And I appeal to you, brethren, bear with the word of exhortation, for I have written to you in few words.  

23 Know that our brother Timothy has been set free, with whom I shall see you if he comes shortly.
24 Greet all those who rule over you, and all the saints. Those from Italy greet you.

25 Grace be with you all. Amen."



These three things aren't necessarily very related at all. They are just three things among many on my mind. God is so infinitely forgiving, loving, and saving. 
I owe everything to His grace.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Thursday, October 11, 2012

here and now

I don't know what the future holds, but I know it holds Jesus loving me, and that's all that matters.

I also know it holds me loving God, and my family, friends, kids, and others...
all of that excites me.
I am truly blessed and don't have a thing to fear.
Just gotta enjoy the present with Him, doing all I do for those I love.  


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

this is it.

What must've happened (on Sunday) only by God and not by me, as it always does, I've let go again. Completely.

And I'm back to where I was before the mourning came back in full last week.

It feels amazing. To not want what I don't have.
To not be thinking about what I wish for right now or the future.
But to just want Jesus and God's plan for me.

This is it. This is me. This is my life.
And I'm constantly learning to love more and to truly let myself embrace who I am in Him.

It feels so good.
To just trust Him. With everything. Knowing He has the best plan. Knowing He's holding me. Knowing I have nothing to fear because He loves me despite all my flaws, sins, and weaknesses. He loves me and wants to bless me in every way even though I am constantly completely unworthy of this kind of love.

He just loves me.

And I am embracing this. Loving this.
Being me.
Working as hard as I possibly can on all the many things I want to do for God and my family and all the people I get to love each day.

This is who I am. This is what I love to do for Him.
And I got to just take every second as it comes. An unexpected adventure with Jesus.

I love no longer wanting something I don't have. And I am no longer being in any pain or sadness.
It is all only by God. I couldn't have gotten out of that by myself at all. Prayers are truly being answered.

Now I still am asking my friend to pray for me every day, but for different things.

Thank You God for this.
For bringing me back to where I was before I struggled so bad last week.
Back to embracing life with You.

Please pray I can be more content with everything I have. I am no longer struggling in the area I was last week at all, but of course I still struggle with all kinds of selfish thoughts and desires for things in my life to be different than they are. I want to truly only want Jesus and everything I have.

"Be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." -James 4:13-17

"Oh my soul, wait silently for God alone,
for my hope comes from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
for God is our refuge."
-Psalm 62:5-8

Monday, October 8, 2012

my battle lately

So lately I've been asking my friend to pray for me every single day.
Every day I struggle so much to get "out of my mind."

It's a huge battle.
And I want so badly to stop.

No more "could've beens," "should've beens," or "could bes..."
It's really hard when my heart is still breaking. I'm still grieving my loss. And my heart is also having trouble accepting what to it just doesn't make sense, just isn't right. 

It's so hard to keep me out of my mind. My mind just won't stop.
No matter how badly I want to just let go. move on. trust God. and focus on Him and what I have and what I'm doing... No matter how much I know and believe the truths deep down that God's plan is so much better and that what I already have in Him is so much better, it's still a constant battle.

The music of the world around me sure doesn't help any either.

... but with the help of prayers and the help of God, I know He can help turn this horrible weakness into a strength. I know it's going to be a battle every day of my life. Not with the same things, but with whatever my mind wants to focus on each day!! This has been a constant battle and will be my whole life...

but it's silly.
It's gotta stop.

When what I have is unbelievable.

I have Jesus.

A Savior with His arms stretched. A Savior who loves me enough to lay down His life for me.
And a God who blesses me beyond belief on this earth.

I want so badly to do this for Jesus.
To just let Him be enough.

To focus on Him.
Let Him wrap me in His love.
And to focus on my family, my friends, the kids, dancing for Jesus and my grandma and my future, all the many things I am doing for others... to just do what I love: to work hard for my fam and God... and to do it all while out of my mind. To just trust Him with everything. With the future. With the present. With everything and everyone. With my whole life. That's the struggle. To stay out of my mind and do all I do for God, while letting myself be wrapped in God's love.

All while focusing on the Word of God, His love, Jesus, the songs He plays for us, the things He speaks to my heart...

all while focused on Him, on praying for others, and just on the cross...

it's a war I need prayer for.
it's a war I can already feel the prayers being answered for every day. Today was a really good day.
But I'm still so weak to it, all day, all the time. And the prayers for it will never be wasted and never be not needed.

This is what God deserves. and my family and everyone who I love each day deserves.
I am so blessed beyond words to be doing exactly what I'm doing.
To be romanced by my King. To be called by Him to do all the things I love.
To love on my fam, the kids at work, dance with and for Jesus and others, and most of all to love and be loved by Him.

I gotta get "outta my mind" and into His heart.
I want to do this for Him.

Be captured by the cross.
Be focused on Jesus.

(Every lyric of this song is exactly my prayer/thoughts lately. Listen to the lyrics...)

"Oh the wonderful cross 
Love so amazing, so divine 
Demands my soul, my life, my all..."

Friday, September 28, 2012

early in the morning

Covered by Your love divine,  
Child of the risen Lord.
To hear You say, 
"This one's Mine" 
"This one's Mine..."
My heart is spoken for. 

Covered by Your love divine.

Child of the risen Lord.
 To hear You say, 
"This one's Mine."  

My heart is spoken for.

Take this world from me.

I don't need it anymore..."

I woke up exactly to those lyrics. (an ending to a song.) (and exactly exactly how I feel in my heart about God's love for me too. :) )
ha but every song playing after is just as much how I feel in my heart too.

When I wake up the first thought in my head each day is, "I'm excited to love." Or "Yay, another new day. Another new day to love."

I quickly jump out of bed to turn down the blaring music (so it doesn't wake the person in the room next door.) Then I sing in my head or out loud to God and get ready as quick as I can.

I feel so good when I wake up at 6am. So good. I love the early mornings...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I don't even know where to start about all the things God is doing in my heart lately.

I'll really have to write more little posts about it later...

the one thing I do know and can say is

He keeps finding ways to remind me, because I always need to hear it again,

that He loves me.
He loves me for me.


The ways He tells me again and again each day keep surprising me.

When I really think about the fact that He truly loves me for me it brings tears to my eyes. 

God has used this song to tell me of His love for me when I've really needed to hear it a few times now. Each time it has surprised me again and makes me cry.


 I know that that song is exactly what God wants me to know/feel. It speaks of His love for me so completely. And it truly does make me cry.

 ... That song (and many other songs)  are only tiny ways God's been showing me His love. More than anything every day I am surprised by what God wants me to do with and for Him. And really really surprised that He just wants me to be me. To love myself for who I am and to shine the way He made me to. He really needs to retell me that every day. Because I never want to believe it. And He does retell me. Through a random message from a friend that said,

"One piece of advice, you need to love on yourself for the person that God made you to be, and truly accept it, before you can love on others."

And through so many other little ways that have been blowing my mind.

More than anything, God wants me to stay wrapped in His love for me.
He loved me enough as I am to die on the cross for me to cover all my sins.
And He loves me enough to find every way to romance uniquely me every day in this life.
I can't wait to be in Heaven with Him.

For now I get to take everything a moment at a time, ready to embrace whatever He has. The pain, the joy, the beauty, the beauty of life.

Everything is a gift from Him.
 Most of all, the most precious of all, His love. 

I really do feel more wrapped in His love, and more bold and unafraid to be me than I've ever felt. More sure of who I am: His Beloved child and daughter. His Bride.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

what am I feeling? ...

Life is different. Interesting. As always, an adventure. Unexpected. Deep. and beautiful.

Sometimes it is sad and hard when you no longer have someone you really love in your life. It hits me a little bit each day and sometimes hits harder.

I don't even know what all I feel, but God does.

What I do know is that I just give it all to Him.

I thank Him for everything I had. The beauty of it all still takes my breath away.
But more than that, I smile and thank Him for what I've always had and still have even more and more and more with Him...



all I can do really is just give Him the sad or painful things right as I feel em and move on.

Move on with thankfulness. With love.
with letting go.

and just give my heart away.
to the girls I'm with.
the kids I'm with.
the family I'm with. :)

Most of all,  I am blessed to just give it to Jesus.

to focus on all the many many things I feel called to do right now and all the many many things I want to do for Him. There are so many things I want to do for Him every day. I can barely fit a few in... but I am blessed to get to do and fit all that does fit in a day!!! So blessed by everything I get to do with and for those I love. ... yes, sometimes I wish I could have both. Everything I have now plus a bit of what I'm missing. ... but, I am happy to let go. 

Thankful to just lay it all at Jesus' feet.

trust that this is best for all of us.

Know that God has us perfectly in His hands.
know that I can give Him and trust Him with everyone in prayer.

.... and man, oh man, oh man, am I thankful for everything He is doing in my heart and life.

man oh, man oh, man.

He is romancing me.

He is overwhelming me.

He is making me smile.

And He is my love.

I miss those I have to let go.

But boy do I love all that I get to do with Him.

And I dance.
I dance cuz He wants us too.
I dance cuz He calls me too.
I dance cuz He opens the door.
I dance cuz in it all my pain and sadness go.
All my joy and amazement and wow, just all the energy, goodness, and awe...
there is no better way to proclaim it. to let it out.

to let it be how I feel.

how I feel is to dance for Him.
to the songs and feelings in my heart.

and the crazy thing is,
He makes sure I get to do that, even for just a few minutes, almost every day.
and He fills me with the dream.
the dream of maybe teaching little girls to dance.
a dream He has re-placed and re-opened in my heart.

I don't care if it actually happens or not,
I hope it does
... but, more than that I am amazed, blessed, and thankful for the times with Him right now.
For all He is doing and I am doing for Him each day.

Jesus has got me.
I am His, and He has plans for me.
He is leading.
And I should just trust Him.

Thankful from the bottom of my heart for the hope and joy I have because of Him.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

meaning more.

I love how every day the words of all the songs mean more and more and more, and come from my heart more and more.

"As I pour out my heart, these things I remember: You are faithful God forever..."

most of the time, my mouth and body are quiet, but I am singing to God... and dancing. singing and dancing in and from my heart... 

Monday, August 27, 2012


I feel so good. All the time.  It's crazy and kind of scares me.

God has brought me out of so many things. Health-wise I feel better than I ever have in my life every single day, and I know it's only thanks to God.

Most of all, I just feel so wrapped, wrapped in God's love for me.
It makes me smile.

He just loves me. Always. No matter what. Never-failing or ending... exactly as I am. And His love for me is deeper than I can ever come close to imagining.

It all just feels crazy.

Being single with Jesus is also so so good that I find myself constantly thinking I really don't ever want anything else than this. If God does I do! But otherwise, man oh man do I love everything about all the time I spend with just Jesus each day when I'm single. It feels amazing to finally not want or wish for anything else than exactly what I have right now with Him. No matter what God has instore for my future, I am going to cherish every moment of this season. I hope to make the most of it and enjoy loving on whoever I get to spend time with each day. :)

I know that everything good comes from God.
So all I can do is thank Him for what He's doing in my heart and life.

I feel so amazed by His love.

"Where shall I go from Your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there Your hand shall lead me,
and Your right hand shall hold me."
-Psalm 139:7-10

Thursday, August 16, 2012

this summer.

God did. And is, every day. 

What would I do without that?

Without God's help letting go?

Without the ability to always rest in the fact that God's in control?

Every day of my life, no matter what the season's been, I would've been hopeless every single day without the ability to trust that God's in control. To know He's here. To know He loves me. To know everything will be alright.

Instead, thanks to Him, I have peace.

Incredible peace.

Oh how I can never thank Him...

I can never thank Him... !!!

Thanks God. 

Saturday, August 11, 2012

missing grandma.

Grandma Who

Grandma who loves us
and knows how to play
who is a warm slice of apple pie, saved just for me
who is beautiful songs about Jesus and Heaven sung at her request
 is stories of past parties and her schoolhouse days
who is a bag full of goodies, packed for the road
 is a peppermint patty
a warm hand to hold
who plays the "kitty game" with me
saving me from crocodiles with a pillow and a soft "meow"
who is a bright smiling face tenderly scrolled in blank ink
 is not just one but three ooey-gooey caramel roles
that leave my stomach full of warmth
who is a newsletter sent in the mail to keep us in touch
is a little black and white bear called "Whoo Whoo"
a symbol of shared love
who is a sly little smile behind sparkling, laughter filled eyes
is an exclamation of "Yahtzee!" after one roll of the die
who is Mass watched with grandpa every day
is a miniature fork and knife, cute as can be
who is the electronic BINGO game we ask for the most
is a pair of fuzzy red socks covering wiggly toes
who is a slivery bit of cherry jello with bursts of marshmallows on my tongue
is a gingerbread man drawn with buttons and bows
who says she can't believe we are getting so tall
is a peanut butter and banana sandwich or a bowl of lemon creme pie pudding
who is the picture of smiling Jesus that she loves on her wall
who is a competitive game of Scrabble, which she usually wins
is a bowl of chicken noodle soup after a long day's drive
 who is a tiny frame but an enormous heart
is a ripped open envelope filled with a kind birthday note
who loves us
loves grandpa
and loves Jesus with all her heart
who is dear and precious
who forever holds a place in my heart