Wednesday, November 28, 2007

stress and fatique in junior year

Nov 27, 2007

"I hate falling asleep in Biology. Sitting there, tapping my foot like mad, opening my eyes wide as they slide shut over and over. My body falls asleep first, then my head. I HATE it! I get so tired and cannot function. Today was a big, exhausting day. I conquered hopefully my hardest task of junior year: my Church and State debate. I did fumble, but many (Thomas F, Taylor B, Beatrice, Ashley R, and Andrea V) were seen by me smiling in the audience. I beat the biggest loud-mouth in our class.. I didn't care so much about winning, just getting it over! I was congratulated a lot though, by people not in my class! :) I'm SO STRESSED over the Civil War and cell cycle TESTS Friday. There are dance pictures and sisters' choir concerts galore this week. It's TERRIBLE! MAJORLY NEED SLEEP!"

Nov 28, 2007

"My brain aches. I'm worn down below the brim. I can't think straight, my hands are bloody and full of cracks that singe and sting, my lips are chapped, my back hurts in tension, my brain feels rushed, my legs are happy to finally be pedaling after sitting so long, my nose is stuffed, my head feels heavy, my body is in denial because it needs sleep SO BADLY. I'm confused about how much to eat at a time such as this. Trying to tell my dad how I feel was just about the most absurd act I committed all day. He holds not an ounce of understanding, and our arguments lead to him saying, "This is the least stressful time of your life. You girls get away with doing so little around the house it's not even funny!" Thanks A LOT DAD!! Hearing him makes me want to cry, scream, pull out my hair, and sink into depression. I hate the fact that this happens Wednesday after Wednesday, and Religious Ed. is the one thing I always feel like must be sacrificed. I see it as very unbeneficial, as we get nothing accomplished. I WISH I COULD GO SO BAD! Why am I the only person this stressed?! I need God's help!"

Looking back now, I can clearly see I was the anxious monster. My dad was loving and wise. I am sorry for any stress my anxiety and selfishness brought to my family. I am thankful that all these stupid lows always brought me to God and prayer. I am thankful for all the lessons I eventually learned. Sorry it always takes me so long to learn!!


Sunday, November 25, 2007

humorous entry from 2007

Nov 25, 2007

"Most days I write about in here will be horrible. Anxiety, worry, selfishness, depression, and over-obsession will fill up these pages. Today, however, was not all terrible. I woke up to some extremely peppy praise music and had a good Bible read. I was ready to go after about two hours and ten minutes of riding exercise bike (while eating my delicious toasted whole wheat bagel with raspberry "light n' fit" yogurt on top, 1/4 cup soy nuts, and an apple), showering, studying while blowdrying my hair and riding exercise bike, getting dressed, eating carrots, packing pumpkin seeds, brushing my teeth, and getting everything together. As I grabbed my phone I saw that "Ugh, I got some texts!" Sally* was telling me we had to meet for Key Club at 8, wrecking my plans to look at a review power point for history class.

On my way I got my first speeding ticket! I will never speed up as I reach the speed limit sign again (or speed up to five miles over the speed limit). Both of which are what I was taught! That guy was out to get me! I was calm and relaxed though... School was nice. It was good for me to be around so many relaxed people. How do they do it? I found out I had to go speak at a Kiwanis meeting about Key Club with Ann and Merema. That turned out to be delicious (salad bar at Cashwise) and fun. Dance was awesome tonight. Through all the fondues and chaos, Monday night class has turned into such a family. I'm sad I don't get to be in it anymore after Christmas! What'll I do?"