Nov 27, 2007
"I hate falling asleep in Biology. Sitting there, tapping my foot like mad, opening my eyes wide as they slide shut over and over. My body falls asleep first, then my head. I HATE it! I get so tired and cannot function. Today was a big, exhausting day. I conquered hopefully my hardest task of junior year: my Church and State debate. I did fumble, but many (Thomas F, Taylor B, Beatrice, Ashley R, and Andrea V) were seen by me smiling in the audience. I beat the biggest loud-mouth in our class.. I didn't care so much about winning, just getting it over! I was congratulated a lot though, by people not in my class! :) I'm SO STRESSED over the Civil War and cell cycle TESTS Friday. There are dance pictures and sisters' choir concerts galore this week. It's TERRIBLE! MAJORLY NEED SLEEP!"
Nov 28, 2007
"My brain aches. I'm worn down below the brim. I can't think straight, my hands are bloody and full of cracks that singe and sting, my lips are chapped, my back hurts in tension, my brain feels rushed, my legs are happy to finally be pedaling after sitting so long, my nose is stuffed, my head feels heavy, my body is in denial because it needs sleep SO BADLY. I'm confused about how much to eat at a time such as this. Trying to tell my dad how I feel was just about the most absurd act I committed all day. He holds not an ounce of understanding, and our arguments lead to him saying, "This is the least stressful time of your life. You girls get away with doing so little around the house it's not even funny!" Thanks A LOT DAD!! Hearing him makes me want to cry, scream, pull out my hair, and sink into depression. I hate the fact that this happens Wednesday after Wednesday, and Religious Ed. is the one thing I always feel like must be sacrificed. I see it as very unbeneficial, as we get nothing accomplished. I WISH I COULD GO SO BAD! Why am I the only person this stressed?! I need God's help!"
Looking back now, I can clearly see I was the anxious monster. My dad was loving and wise. I am sorry for any stress my anxiety and selfishness brought to my family. I am thankful that all these stupid lows always brought me to God and prayer. I am thankful for all the lessons I eventually learned. Sorry it always takes me so long to learn!!
I remember feeling the same way about my dad at this age. Funny how little they know and how smart they get in just few years huh! In fact your Mom sent me a clipping when I was 13 or 14 that explained how dads are viewed by daughters. (After a long phone conversation where I vented my Dad's lack of understanding and compassion.) It went something like this.
ReplyDelete0-5: Daddy knows everything, can fix anything, he's my hero.
5-10: Daddy still knows mostly everything.
10-13: I realize Daddy doesn't quite know everything.
13-18: Dad knows nothing.
21: I am amazed at how much Dad learned in 3 short years.
That has brought me much comfort over the years and I laugh now about how true it felt! In fact at 21 I called my dad and jokingly told him, "I think you are gonna be okay, I raised you well. You're gonna make it!" He knowingly laughed and understood what I meant.