Today was hard and scary because of health, difficulty breathing, and just because tired and really messed up from lack sleep. I cried A LOT all through church, but gave all my anxieties to God about wanting to love people best, about how to spend time, about what to do with my time each day (my biggest fear and idol because I want to do WHAT GOD WANTS!!!), about my health and life... and just everything to Him.
I realized and the sermon and Word said: all anxiety is sin and pride. Trusting myself or trying to do it on my own instead of trusting God with it all.
Its not about me or what I do!!!!!!!!! God is in control. He is holding me and always has been. He will keep me alive however long He wants. No matter what I say or do it will be sinful!!! It will come out wrong! I will mess up each day. That's who I am.
But I want to start trusting Him with each second. Trust Him to use all my sins, failures, and weaknesses. To show me what to do. To keep me alive and help me take care of myself and learn how in His timing. To help me love people and to work through the many many failures and mistakes at it each day. He's in control. He's holding me. He knows what He's doing and always has. It's not about me or what I do. It's about Him. His forgiveness of my sins that comes from His shed blood. He is my only hope.
"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
-1 Peter 5:5-11