I love some songs they sing on Glee

Because some mainstream songs could not be about God's love for us any more than they are.

highlights of late

Making a "heart trail" all over the church one day with all different sizes and colors of paper hearts and chocolate hearts that the kids had to follow as they entered the church. It led to a SpongeBob gift bag that had airheads and a book inside. And I related the trail to following God's plan for us. How He wants so so bad to bless us but can't if we don't let Him.








Making tons and tons of  home-made Valentines with the kids (over 200) and delivering over 70 to Arthur's Nursing Home. Giving the rest to others to remind them of God's love for them. The responses of people have made my day. Cooks... Janitors... people I wanna thank and also remind of how much me and God love them. ... :) A cook hung hers in Kise and it's still hanging there. It has animal print stickers that say "Crazy about God!" on it. ... :D ... And the Janitors at Hope were so thankful. One said he's never received a Valentine before.







 
Sharing my sponsored child Dayana (a four year-old from Ecuador) with the kids so that they can make and send her stuff.








 Telling the kids all about Ash Wednesday. What it is and why we use ashes. Telling them how Lent is a special time to reflect on why we need Jesus to save us. How sinful we are. A time to reflect and be sorry for our sins. And a time to reflect on His death and His grace. A time to grow closer to Him. A time to give up something for Him as we reflect and grow. Nothing we could give up could ever compare to what God gave up: His only Son and to what Jesus gave up: His life.

The kids really get it! And we are asking them to all give something up for Lent. It is so awesome to hear their responses. They are giving up things they really really love: their DSs!!! Video games, Wii, TV, pizza, etc. ... One kid proudly said, "I think I am going to give up video games for a few days, TV for a few days, and going to the bathroom for a few days." ... he was serious haha... and so cute!








Going to the Ash Wednesday service at Hope. I loved every bit of it more than expected. I loved what we all said,

"O God, you are so compassionate. You are slow to anger and you are so full of mercy. This night I come before You knowing the weight and burden of my sin. Savior, please take my hand. I work so hard. Life seems to go by so fast. I try to be tough, but I'm just not strong enough. I can't do life alone. O God, I need Your hold on me. I am nothing without Your old rugged cross in my life. Savior, keep saving me. Everything You are to me is everything I'll ever need. Help me to accept the fact that I don't have to prove a thing because you're the One Who's saving me. You are the only One who can wash away my sin. Thank You, Jesus. Amen."

(I stole a program because I liked that haha)
And I really loved every word of the sermon. It was way more powerful and good than I ever expected. I hope they post that sermon online because it is one I want to share and remember. I loved every song too...








Working on Valentines for all the kids and my family and friends and picking the perfect presents for each of them... haha, I am such a perfectionist and I truly have so much fun.








Spending time with my family. With my beloved and amazing grandparents. And just with family.
I have not done enough of that lately!!! But it's what I look forward to, love, and cherish.
I can not wait for tomorrow and this weekend. Becca's play and time with family, grandparents, aunts, and all. Can't wait.








All the nice people and coworkers at Hope.








The cooks at Kise! :D








Today helping the preschoolers give out their Valentines. Wishing everyone Happy Valentines and giving them the special things I picked... And oh man, most fun thing of all was taking groups of kids on a scavenger hunt all over the church. We ran to eight different locations, including the fridge in the kitchen, the balcony of the church, a boat in one of the rooms, and many other places. The adrenaline was high, and it was so much fun! At each location I made one kid read the "Letter from God" (a Bible verse about God's love for us) And I made sure they all heard and understood it. And one kid read the clever and cute clue. ... Then we ran. And at the end it led to the Bible, God's ultimate love letter. And I let a kid open it to whatever it opened to and I read them God's love letter on that page. I explained the whole thing is one jam-packed love letter. That some of it might still be confusing to them, but as they get older they will understand how even the confusing stuff makes sense and adds to God's plan and love. Sending His Son to save and love us. ... And man, they picked beautiful passages about God's love. 

This was part of one of the passages they opened to,

“But you, Israel, my servant,
    Jacob, whom I have chosen,
    you descendants of Abraham my friend,
⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

-Isaiah 41:8-10

And we gave them a John 3:16 Valentine. ... and of course we played tons of other fun games today!! And made tons of cool Valentines things to eat and partied it up. It was fun!! And the kids are getting the message. That God loves them. And that we can share His love on Valentine's Day and every day. They are getting it.

 ...
 They are the sweetest kids.








I am blessed.



 Blessed by everything in my life but incomparably most of all by Jesus.

He is my strength and my hope.
Without Him I wouldn't be able to get through all the times during the day that I feel tired or afraid. He is the One who gives me words, gives me energy, carries me, and reminds me of what's important when I constantly what to make everything about me. He reminds me of what matters: loving others, following, and submitting to Him. I am so thankful and in need of the way Jesus is the One who carries, leads, holds, protects, and works through me. He is the only good in me. And His love for me is like no other.


 "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my Lover among the young men." 
-Song of Solomon 2:3

take me away.

:)

dream.

I really want to do mission work in Africa or overseas somewhere or just foreign places where their life is very different from my own. Especialy with children and women.

I pray I don't let this dream die.
I will give it to God and place it in His hands, and who knows...
if He wants it to happen it will.

:)

changes

I am changing a lot lately. From the inside-out. It is good. 



Now that I am working in the school-age room every day there is such a new sense of the importance and significance of my job.  We have 42 kids with three teachers. There is just this huge sense of how important it is for me to be "all there" inside of me. Working from either 7 or 7:30am to 5:30pm every day (with some days having a few hours break to go to my two classes that are not online) makes it even more important for me to really take care of myself and make sure I am "all there."

There are new feelings in me. Feelings of it just being good to be alive. all the time. Loving that all I do is just between me and God.


I know that in all these feelings and changes, it's really not me. It's not me popping out of bed thinking, "I gotta get myself ready to get out that door and get there early and 'all in' to love on those kids." It's not me thinking constantly "Work. I'm lovin' it..." It's not me that has the ability to not feel tired or unhappy or anything like that but instead feel THANKFUL that I get to have a job like this---a job where I really make a difference. Where every interaction with the kids can really make a difference. Where every time I go, my spending time with, showing appreciation toward, taking interest in, and talking about Jesus with, can make a difference in my coworkers, children's parents, and children's lives... It's not me who is becoming more excited about the way I am serving God and the way I get to love on kids than anything else... It's not me just wanting to love on family and friends and spend time with them in every bit of free time outside of work... It's not me doing any of this or being able to do any of it or having the strength and courage to do it again and again despite my mistakes and things that have gone wrong the day before...it's not me doing any of this, changing me from the inside-out, but God. 

I know how selfish I am!!!! 
This is truly not me at all, but Jesus inside me.




 God is good.
I am blessed.
blessed to love.

blessed to be loved the way I am.
thankful for Jesus, and in need of Him completely.
He is patient and merciful.
way too patient with a child like me.

us.

just a tiny glimpse of us.


...

my heart for Him

His heart for me:

the entire Bible.
including all of Song of Songs
and His death in my place on the cross

what He wants me to do...



















"You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me."

-Psalm 63

"I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

-Isaiah 61:10

The One who won't give up on me deserves this from me. to not give up. to give Him my whole heart. 
to let Him be my all. to let Him romance me. To earnestly seek Him and His romance.
 to live for Him and Him alone and to not give up. 
He gives His all when I never give more than a little bit .
His love is amazing.

 "As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, So your God will rejoice over you."

-Isaiah 62:5

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

I started thinking about the fact that it's new years/2012/all of it while I was working in the toddler room today. 

It's a lot.




2012.

Was a year of mourning. Of beginning to learn for the first time, what that means, what it feels like, for me.

As the year comes to a close, I'm still mourning. It's painful. I don't want to be. And it's too much. It's too much that I just don't even want to feel it or to think. It's sad. and it hurts. And just when I don't expect it to, it brings tears to my eyes again, or just plain makes me cry again. It happens more often than I expect. It's raw and deep, and I guess there's a lot of hurt there that I somewhat wish wasn't but even more-so would never want it to not be.

I am broken in ways. and there are things I am more saddened by than I want to admit to myself or let myself feel, but I obviously am. 

Though I am saddened by things, I am thankful for them even more. With every tear of pain or feeling of sadness or hurt, there's even more feelings of thankfulness and beauty. joy. Feelings of thankfulness over what God is doing and Who God is. I deeply trust that God's piecing together every piece of every puzzle perfectly




yes, in 2012 I lost a lot and am still missing and mourning that.

but no matter what, when I think of all God is: the fact that He died on the cross in my place and all He's doing in my life...  when I think of who He's making me and what He wants me to do for Him and with Him, all the things I get to do each day... all I want to do is bow down and scream "I don't deserve any of it."



In 2012 I sure as heck gained a lot.


This year my health and sleep has improved 100-fold.
God has brought me out of and into places I can't even believe.

I gained unshakeable confidence that God has my life in His hands. That I don't have to fear about anything because of that.




This has been the best year of my life with my family and God.
Times with family keep getting better and better and better. I miss the times with grandma. I'm thankful that the good times with her were part of when this special time period started. Like I said, times with family, on both sides, and I'm talking immediate and extended, are just getting better and better. I am so excited for what is yet to come, and the times we've had lately just leave me smiling. I feel so blessed by my family that it overwhelms me, and I want to give back to these people who have given me so much that I could never deserve. Time with them has become more important to me than almost anything. 


I also gained so much love from kids and coworkers and friends (and love for them too). More love than I could've ever imagined and can ever get over. The pictures all over my room and piled high everywhere from the kids are only a tiny bit of the proof. I am loved and needed. and man is it beautiful. I can't even get over how excited I am to continue loving on kids and being loved by kids forever. I also am way too blessed by the best coworkers and workplace ever. ya... I have people who show me God's love in my life big time. Starting with my family and extending to my friends, coworkers, the kids, the cooks at Kise... so many amazing people.


...


In 2012 I learned more fully how to love and forgive myself.

How to forgive myself as I constantly do or say things I wish I wouldn't of, as I continuously am just immature, speak too quickly, or act out of selfishness. I'm learning to forgive myself, knowing the best thing I can do, even if it is always the hardest thing, is forgive myself and move on.

I'm also learning to not be afraid to be me.

Instead of trying I'm learning to just let go.

Be me.
Confidently and bravely be me.

Let God use me as He made me. Be me, and let God shine through my weaknesses and shine in the ways only He can.


I'm coming out of this year more thankful and confident in God than I've ever been.


I'm excited to be me.Someone who is devoted to taking care of myself the best I can so that I can love on kids, my family, and all who I see each day. Someone who spends the alone time I need with God, who dances with Him (either literally or in my heart), and who lets God romance me and cover me in His mercy and grace. Someone who works. Who works as hard as time/God allows each day and does as much as time allows each day with kids and coworkers at my job, spending time with family and others, and then spending time making things for people! Editing photos, making people discs of music, putting together presents for people etc. ... This is who I am and who I am excited to be! This is me. :)


Most of all coming into 2013, I am excited to let God continue to break me, to remake me, to make me new, and make me who He wants me to be. I can tell, thanks be to God, that I've grown up a lot this year, but I still have a ginormous amount of growing up to do, and I know God will help me.

I'm interested to see what 2013 brings. I truly have no idea what's in-store. Each day always takes me by surprise so much as I learn to just let go and let God write it. Each day is exciting and beautiful.


Now, I'm excited to go home. To ring in this new year as we always do, with our family's annual night of playing games for prizes! :D


It's time for one year to end and another to start.
All I can say is thanks be to God for everything He's done, and thanks that I'm too blessed to ever deserve even a tiny bit of. I hope I can learn how to love Him and others better. That's what I want to work on this year. Truly loving and giving, unselfishly.

Thanks be to God for His grace and mercy.

things I love.

Christmas time!


Sitting there beaming my face out watching the preschoolers completely steal the Christmas program (though the school-agers had a really cool Alphabet about Christmas time... "A is for Angel, Z is for Zeal..."). The two songs they sang completely stole the show, and they finished with their big, "Merry Christmas!"

Man... I won't get that day out of my head. Them so excited in their fancy red dresses. More excited than I've EVER seen them!!! Having me read them Christmas books and just so so excited...

then after the program we decorated cookies and made crafts with all the families of the kids at Hope. So much fun. ... And I even got to babysit two little boys I really love that night. ... And got my first Christmas card and letter from them!


... Ya,

what I love are the Christmas praise parties with Kaitlyn Nelson.

Going Christmas shopping with friends.


The feeling of having SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO AND GET READY AND GIVE to others that I can't possibly get even a tiny smidgbit of all I wish I could done.... but what I can do is work my fastest and hardest and take advantage of every shopping opportunity to make and find things for the many people I really want to give to this Christmas...


I love the excitement of the chance to just be with family. To play games with them. Sing with them!!! Decorate with them!! Watch them open their gifts. Watch movies with them. Make cookies with them. ... And just sing sing sing...


I love dancing to all the Christmas songs to Jesus, worshiping Him and imagining the story. The crazy and beautiful story of His birth. The great wonder and mystery of it all. The way He came... I can't even comprehend it or why... but it's fun to imagine it each day.

I love caroling at nursing homes!!

Ringing bells for the Salvation Army with my grandparents.

Going to all the Christmas programs and concerts!

Making crafts with the kids...

Making cards for people!

Finding little things for those cooks who spoil me with hard boiled eggs (just for m) every day!


Driving around looking at the lights (especially in Bismarck!)

Watching kids play in the snow....


Okay, I love it all.


And I also love how this song almost makes me cry. I can never comprehend how great His grace really is and how much I am blessed by God.

I can never thank Him for coming the way He did 2000 years ago.
A baby. To save us all.

nothing compares to what is to come

Today I've been thinking about my life and my life story so far and currently. All I can say is I don't deserve any of it. I can't even believe it's real. To me it's just too much. Too good. Too blessed. Too beautiful.

All that I've gotten to do and get to do each day has been so much. Every day is packed and special in it's own way, even if some were and are painful. All are special in different ways between me and God.

The people I've had or have in my life. Now that I just can't get over. I just can't get over how me, I, ever deserved any of it.

Any of this. ...

And I can't even imagine what's to come.

I am more undeserving and blessed than I can comprehend by how much God cares about me and how much He saves and helps me in every single thing and way.


The biggest blessing I have in this life and biggest thing that takes away all reason to fear or complain is His grace. And the promise of what is to come: Heaven.


...

Thinking about all this, all I can pray is that I do a better job at giving Him thanks and loving.

I am too blessed by God's love, grace, and Him being here. By what I have had, have, and by the anticipation of the unknown goodness yet to come.





How can I ever thank God for His love?

Psalm 107

We hear the first verse of this Psalm all the time, and I didn't realize it went with the rest of this...

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
    His love endures forever.

 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
    those He redeemed from the hand of the foe,
 those He gathered from the lands,
    from east and west, from north and south.

 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
    finding no way to a city where they could settle.
 They were hungry and thirsty,
    and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and He delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
    to a city where they could settle.
 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
    and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He satisfies the thirsty
    and fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
So He subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.

Some became fools through their rebellious ways
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them;
He rescued them from the grave.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of His works with songs of joy."
-Psalm 107:10-22

It's truly beautiful. God's love is.

one of my favorie songs right now.

snow.

Even though I'm not a big fan of cold weather and don't want it to snow because I don't want the roads to be bad, I can't deny I am thankful for the beauty of each and every day and season we have here.

The way the snow falls can be so beautiful sometimes.



It makes me smile and think of God.

Peace. That's what it reminds me of.

The fact that God is in control. That is timing is slow. (slower than mine)... Slow, steady, and perfect. 


Just as every snowflake falls slowly, beautifully, perfectly to the ground, everything will fall perfectly in place at the right time, if I just place it all in His hands.

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. ⁹ The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." -2 Peter 3:8-9

The moments when songs suddenly mean more than usual. When every lyric is like, wow, that's exactly what I need to hear right now.

Those moments are special.



God's love, that I am completely filthily undeserving of, is amazing. 



Every lyric of this song is me... and Him.

8 "The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will He harbor His anger forever;
10 He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the Heavens are above the earth,
so great is His love for those who fear Him;
12 as far as the East is from the West,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a Father has compassion on His children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him;"
-Psalm 103:8-13

 "Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."
-Micah 7:18-19 



  "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against Him;" -Daniel 9:9


 "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." -Hebrews 4:16



"This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."
-Matthew 26:28

make me think.

Today in our psych class we were asked if we close our eyes and raise our hand if we would stop to help a man if he was laying on the ground unconscious as we were walking through downtown Fargo/a city street. We were then asked if we would stop if the man was holding a beer can. I didn't raise my hand for either. It was announced that almost the whole class said they would in both situations.

We then were shown this video and a few others. The videos made me cry a few times. Wow.







Thanks to that class today, I think I'd be a tiny bit more likely to stop. 
It's very very sad how selfish and focused on what I'm doing/want to do I constantly am.



Other things that have touched me today...




Hebrews 13 

      Let brotherly love continue. ² Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. ³ Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.
⁴ Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

⁵ Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
  ⁶ So we may boldly say:

“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

⁷ Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct. ⁸ Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  

⁹ Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For it is good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them.

¹⁰ We have an altar from which those who serve the tabernacle have no right to eat. ¹¹ For the bodies of those animals, whose blood is brought into the sanctuary by the high priest for sin, are burned outside the camp. ¹² Therefore Jesus also, that He might sanctify the people with His own blood, suffered outside the gate.  

¹³ Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach. ¹⁴ For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. ¹⁵ Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. ¹⁶ But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

¹⁷ Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

¹⁸ Pray for us; for we are confident that we have a good conscience, in all things desiring to live honorably. ¹⁹ But I especially urge you to do this, that I may be restored to you the sooner.

²⁰ Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, ²¹ make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
 
²² And I appeal to you, brethren, bear with the word of exhortation, for I have written to you in few words.  

²³ Know that our brother Timothy has been set free, with whom I shall see you if he comes shortly.
²⁴ Greet all those who rule over you, and all the saints. Those from Italy greet you.

²⁵ Grace be with you all. Amen."











And


 



These three things aren't necessarily very related at all. They are just three things among many on my mind. God is so infinitely forgiving, loving, and saving. 
I owe everything to His grace.

exceeding wonder

here and now

I don't know what the future holds, but I know it holds Jesus loving me, and that's all that matters.

I also know it holds me loving God, and my family, friends, kids, and others...
all of that excites me.
I am truly blessed and don't have a thing to fear.
Just gotta enjoy the present with Him, doing all I do for those I love.  

 

this is it.

What must've happened (on Sunday) only by God and not by me, as it always does, I've let go again. Completely.

And I'm back to where I was before the mourning came back in full last week.

It feels amazing. To not want what I don't have.
To not be thinking about what I wish for right now or the future.
But to just want Jesus and God's plan for me.

This is it. This is me. This is my life.
And I'm constantly learning to love more and to truly let myself embrace who I am in Him.

It feels so good.
To just trust Him. With everything. Knowing He has the best plan. Knowing He's holding me. Knowing I have nothing to fear because He loves me despite all my flaws, sins, and weaknesses. He loves me and wants to bless me in every way even though I am constantly completely unworthy of this kind of love.

He just loves me.


And I am embracing this. Loving this.
Being me.
Working as hard as I possibly can on all the many things I want to do for God and my family and all the people I get to love each day.

This is who I am. This is what I love to do for Him.
And I got to just take every second as it comes. An unexpected adventure with Jesus.


I love no longer wanting something I don't have. And I am no longer being in any pain or sadness.
It is all only by God. I couldn't have gotten out of that by myself at all. Prayers are truly being answered.

Now I still am asking my friend to pray for me every day, but for different things.


Thank You God for this.
For bringing me back to where I was before I struggled so bad last week.
Back to embracing life with You.


Please pray I can be more content with everything I have. I am no longer struggling in the area I was last week at all, but of course I still struggle with all kinds of selfish thoughts and desires for things in my life to be different than they are. I want to truly only want Jesus and everything I have.

"Be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." -James 4:13-17

"Oh my soul, wait silently for God alone,
for my hope comes from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
for God is our refuge."
-Psalm 62:5-8

my battle lately

So lately I've been asking my friend to pray for me every single day.
Every day I struggle so much to get "out of my mind."

It's a huge battle.
And I want so badly to stop.

No more "could've beens," "should've beens," or "could bes..."
It's really hard when my heart is still breaking. I'm still grieving my loss. And my heart is also having trouble accepting what to it just doesn't make sense, just isn't right. 



It's so hard to keep me out of my mind. My mind just won't stop.
No matter how badly I want to just let go. move on. trust God. and focus on Him and what I have and what I'm doing... No matter how much I know and believe the truths deep down that God's plan is so much better and that what I already have in Him is so much better, it's still a constant battle.

The music of the world around me sure doesn't help any either.


... but with the help of prayers and the help of God, I know He can help turn this horrible weakness into a strength. I know it's going to be a battle every day of my life. Not with the same things, but with whatever my mind wants to focus on each day!! This has been a constant battle and will be my whole life...


but it's silly.
It's gotta stop.


When what I have is unbelievable.

I have Jesus.

A Savior with His arms stretched. A Savior who loves me enough to lay down His life for me.
And a God who blesses me beyond belief on this earth.

I want so badly to do this for Jesus.
To just let Him be enough.

To focus on Him.
Let Him wrap me in His love.
And to focus on my family, my friends, the kids, dancing for Jesus and my grandma and my future, all the many things I am doing for others... to just do what I love: to work hard for my fam and God... and to do it all while out of my mind. To just trust Him with everything. With the future. With the present. With everything and everyone. With my whole life. That's the struggle. To stay out of my mind and do all I do for God, while letting myself be wrapped in God's love.

All while focusing on the Word of God, His love, Jesus, the songs He plays for us, the things He speaks to my heart...

all while focused on Him, on praying for others, and just on the cross...



it's a war I need prayer for.
it's a war I can already feel the prayers being answered for every day. Today was a really good day.
But I'm still so weak to it, all day, all the time. And the prayers for it will never be wasted and never be not needed.


This is what God deserves. and my family and everyone who I love each day deserves.
I am so blessed beyond words to be doing exactly what I'm doing.
To be romanced by my King. To be called by Him to do all the things I love.
To love on my fam, the kids at work, dance with and for Jesus and others, and most of all to love and be loved by Him.

I gotta get "outta my mind" and into His heart.
I want to do this for Him.


Be captured by the cross.
Be focused on Jesus.






(Every lyric of this song is exactly my prayer/thoughts lately. Listen to the lyrics...)

"Oh the wonderful cross 
Love so amazing, so divine 
Demands my soul, my life, my all..."

early in the morning

Covered by Your love divine,  
Child of the risen Lord.
To hear You say, 
"This one's Mine" 
"This one's Mine..."
 
My heart is spoken for. 

 
Covered by Your love divine.
Child of the risen Lord.
 To hear You say, 
"This one's Mine."  

My heart is spoken for.

 
Take this world from me.
I don't need it anymore..."

I woke up exactly to those lyrics. (an ending to a song.) (and exactly exactly how I feel in my heart about God's love for me too. :) )
ha but every song playing after is just as much how I feel in my heart too.


When I wake up the first thought in my head each day is, "I'm excited to love." Or "Yay, another new day. Another new day to love."

I quickly jump out of bed to turn down the blaring music (so it doesn't wake the person in the room next door.) Then I sing in my head or out loud to God and get ready as quick as I can.

I feel so good when I wake up at 6am. So good. I love the early mornings...