Thursday, January 17, 2013
I am changing a lot lately. From the inside-out. It is good.
Now that I am working in the school-age room every day there is such a new sense of the importance and significance of my job. We have 42 kids with three teachers. There is just this huge sense of how important it is for me to be "all there" inside of me. Working from either 7 or 7:30am to 5:30pm every day (with some days having a few hours break to go to my two classes that are not online) makes it even more important for me to really take care of myself and make sure I am "all there."
There are new feelings in me. Feelings of it just being good to be alive. all the time. Loving that all I do is just between me and God.
I know that in all these feelings and changes, it's really not me. It's not me popping out of bed thinking, "I gotta get myself ready to get out that door and get there early and 'all in' to love on those kids." It's not me thinking constantly "Work. I'm lovin' it..." It's not me that has the ability to not feel tired or unhappy or anything like that but instead feel THANKFUL that I get to have a job like this---a job where I really make a difference. Where every interaction with the kids can really make a difference. Where every time I go, my spending time with, showing appreciation toward, taking interest in, and talking about Jesus with, can make a difference in my coworkers, children's parents, and children's lives... It's not me who is becoming more excited about the way I am serving God and the way I get to love on kids than anything else... It's not me just wanting to love on family and friends and spend time with them in every bit of free time outside of work... It's not me doing any of this or being able to do any of it or having the strength and courage to do it again and again despite my mistakes and things that have gone wrong the day before...it's not me doing any of this, changing me from the inside-out, but God.
I know how selfish I am!!!!
This is truly not me at all, but Jesus inside me.
God is good.
I am blessed.
blessed to love.
blessed to be loved the way I am.
thankful for Jesus, and in need of Him completely.
He is patient and merciful.
way too patient with a child like me.