"He looks like a cool drink of water, but he's candy coated misery..."

The other day my roommate had the TV on while I was eating breakfast. A Carrie Underwood music video for "Cowboy Casanova" was playing. This song reminds me of how immature I was last year. A year ago I listened to this song while I was trying to stop crushing on a boy. This song reminds me of that boy, my immaturity and foolishness, and of Satan!! The twisted way the enemy will often fill girls' heads with lies!

Last year, even though I was very excited to be single and focus on God, enjoying spending time with one boy kept pulling me in. At first it was for good reasons. He was a man filled with love for God, compassion for others, and interest in me. He loved talking about God. He appeared to have all the qualities I liked. Appeared "perfect." And by how extremely flirty he was being to me, it appeared he liked me too!!

Even though I didn't feel ready for a relationship and didn't really want one, it was fun to have a crush on this guy. I thought he was better than any guy I had ever met and than any guy out there. When I found out this guy did not and would never like me I was saddened, but also thankful. I was excited to be single and focus on God!!

However, this guy was still so flirty! So charming. So seemingly perfect.
And I had a dream that made me question if God actually did want us to be together.

I would be like, "No! I just want to focus on God." But then I would get pulled in by, "Oh well, I'm just going to enjoy time with him while it lasts."

Satan filled my head with lies...

"There is no one out there better than this guy."
"There is nothing wrong with hanging out with, daydreaming about, and flirting with this guy."
"Might as well enjoy time with him while it lasts."
"You won't get hurt."

I loved when he flirted with me! I loved talking to him and hanging out with him. I was so very thankful for our friendship. But I did not want to like him! I prayed hard for God to help me. For me to stop liking him. It was hard! Satan kept lying and blinding me!! Blinding me from the truth. Blinding me from what God had for me. Keeping me focused on this guy instead of God or anything else.

I am angry at Satan!!! Angry that He does this to girls!

You better take it from me. That boy is like a disease.
You run and you try and you´re trying to hide and you´re wondering why you can´t get free
He´s like a curse he´s like a drug you get addicted to his love
You wanna get out but he´s holding ya down cause you can´t live without one more touch


He´s a good time cowboy casanova leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water but he´s candy coated misery
Hes the devil in disguise a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings you don´t wanna fight you better run for your life

I see that look on your face you ain´t hearing what I say
So I say it again cause I been where ya been I and I know how it ends you can´t get away
Don´t even look in his eyes he´ll tell you nothing but lies
And you wanna believe but you won't be deceived if you listen to me and take my advice


He´s a good time cowboy casanova leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water but he´s candy coated misery
he´s the devil in disguise a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night
gives you feelings that you don´t wanna fight you better run for your life

Run run away don´t let him mess with your mind he´ll tell you anything you wanna hear
He´ll break your heart it´s just a matter of time but just remember


Hes a good time cowboy Casanova leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water but he´s candy coated misery
he´s the devil in disguise a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night
gives you feelings you don´t wanna fight you better run for your life

oh you better run for your life

... Satan didn't want me to get over this guy! Satan likes to keep girls blind. Blinded from God. Blinded from the fact that God is already enough. God is better than any lover we could ever hope to find on earth. God is with us constantly. God is holding us, holding our hand, painting us sunrises and sunsets across the sky, writing love letters to us through His Word and whispers, and romancing us in so many incredibly ways, unique to us.

But Satan hates that. He wants to blind us. To make us believe there is nothing better for us out there. Even when we are in abusive relationships or are crushing on a guy who we know we shoudn't be, Satan will fill us with lies.

"This is the best you will get."
"There is no one out there better."
"Better enjoy this while it lasts."
"What you're doing isn't so bad."
It's okay to daydream and listen to love songs all you want."
"You won't get hurt."
"Just listen to your heart!"




But all of this is hurtful. It blinds so many girls daily from being able to set their eyes on God. On what He has for them. Right now and in the future!! God is enough right now. And if it is in God's plan for you to get married, He is already preparing the perfect guy for you. A guy who is not going to abuse you. A guy who will cherish you and love you. Who will treat you with utmost love and respect. Who will love everything about you. Who will reflect God's love to you more than you've ever seen it reflected before.

Satan wants to rip away that hope!! That hope is not found when daydreaming or chasing after guys. That hope is found when your eyes are focused on God. When you trust Him with your future. When you are chasing Jesus, daydreaming about Him, running after His heart. When you are satisfied by God's love.

I am so filled with compassion for girls who are being fed all these lies by Satan. For girls who feel trapped. Who are blinded. By girls who are hurting. Searching. Searching for their self-worth in places other than God. I have compassion and love for them. I was there!!! Satan kept me blind for awhile too. And all I can do is pray for these girls. That one day there eyes will be opened in God's perfect timing.

Look what he’s done to you
It isn’t fair
Your light was bright and new
But he didn’t care
He took the heart of a little girl
And made it grow up too fast

Now words like innocence
Don’t mean a thing
You hear the music play
But you can’t sing
Those pictures in your mind
Keep you locked up inside your past

This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don’t have to stay the broken girl

Those damaged goods you see
In your reflection
Love sees them differently
Love sees perfection
A beautiful display
Of healing on the way tonight
Tonight

Look what he’s done to you
It isn’t fair
Your light was bright and new
But he didn’t care
He took the heart of a little girl
And made it grow up too fast

Now words like innocence
Don’t mean a thing
You hear the music play
But you can’t sing
Those pictures in your mind
Keep you locked up inside your past

This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don’t have to stay the broken girl, girl
You don't have to stay the broken girl, girl

Let your tears touch the ground
Lay all your shattered pieces down
And be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl
And put her back together again

This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don't have to stay the broken girl, girl
You don't have to stay the broken girl, girl
You don't have to stay the broken girl

My heart breaks for those girls. That song makes me cry. I am angry at Satan and his lies. But I am thankful that God is SO MUCH GREATER than the devil. His love conquers!!! And God wants to take away all the pain, all the hurt, all the brokenness. He sees us as perfect and new.

"For by that one offering [Jesus dying on the cross] He made forever perfect in His sight, all those whom He is making holy."
-Hebrews 10:14

God's love is what satisfies. Our hope needs to be rooted in Him and His promises.

"A Christian woman does not put her hope in her husband or in getting a husband. She does not put her hope in her looks or her intelligence or her creativity. She puts her hope in the promises of God."
-This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

In my own life, I had to fight and say "No!" to Satan's lies hard. I remember wanting to daydream and listen to love songs so bad. It was what my flesh wanted. But I kept praying. Kept choosing to romance God instead. To listen to Christian music instead. Focus on Him. Even when it was the hardest thing in the world to do!! I would force myself to read the Word and pray, even if it seemed hard. I kept setting my eyes on Him even though Satan would try to lure me back to focusing on a boy instead of God again and again. It was hard!! Satan truly does want to keep us from focusing on God and from serving Him. He wants to handicap us from serving the Lord in any way he can. We must fight back!!!

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want."
-Galatians 5:13-18

We must choose to walk by the Spirit. To turn to God instead of the world. To grow closer to Him, especially when it feels hardest.



Once my eyes were finally opened, set on God instead of the boy, satisfied by God and confident He had a better man and/or plan out there for me, I realized how foolish I had been!! How much I did not and would not ever want to marry that boy.

God answered my prayers in perfect timing. I was thankful for the entire struggle. I learned so much, and it brought me close to other girls who were going through the same thing.

If you feel stuck in something right now, don't fear. God still wants to use it for your good!! God wants to use everything for your good. Especially your mistakes. And God wants to pull you out of your mess. All it takes is our faith. Faith that God can do that. Right here and now! Faith that God is enough to satisfy. Hope in Him and Him alone.

Romans 8

Present Suffering and Future Glory

¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the One who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.

...
Once my eyes were completely set on God, and I was ready to, "Be single for a really long time and focus on God." Once I said, "I am confident He has someone out there better than I can ever imagine, but I don't need or want that any time soon. I just want to romance God!" That was when God placed Matt in my life.

I knew my beginning to like Matt was from Him. I did not want it. I did not feel ready. I did not want to be in a relationship for a really long time! I was already satisfied with God and what He had for me. But God said, "Abby trust me."

And I did... :)


God knew I was ready. He knew that in my relationship with Matt, I would be so much more focused on romancing Him than on Matt. He knew the relationship would actually help me set my eyes even more on Him. God knew our relationship would constantly bring me closer to Him, making me fall in love with Him more and more each day.

I love Matt more than anything on this earth. I feel more comfortable around him than anyone else, even than around myself! I love everything about the beautiful way he loves me. I don't deserve him at all!!!

My relationship with Matt show's me God's love in a deeper and more beautiful way than I've ever been reflected it before. It is beautiful!!! It is amazing. I am beyond blessed by God to have Matt here to reflect God's love to me until I finally am in Heaven.


...
Although my love for Matt is greater than my love for anything else on this earth, it is incredibly tiny in comparison to my love for Jesus. I don't daydream about Matt. I don't sing about Matt all day. I just can't help but daydream about, sing about, and set my eyes on Jesus. His beautiful love. When I look at Matt and when Matt does everything he does, it reminds me of Jesus. Reminds me of Jesus's love, makes me fall more in love with Matt, and makes me fall even harder for Jesus!!!

Jesus delights in everything about me!!! He is constantly with me. Holding me. Whispering in my ear, romancing me with His beauty. I can't help but be head over heels for HIM. I can't help but sing praises in my head to Jesus constantly. His love and mercy is SO GREAT. He is everything I need!!! I can't wait to marry Jesus.

I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me

I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You

My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me

I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I’m Your beauty

There’s gonna be a wedding,
It’s the reason that I’m living, to marry the Lamb

I’m more than what these ashes say
‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me