the Bridegroom

About two month ago when I was at a prayer meeting, other brothers and sisters of Christ where sharing visions and prophecies from God.

One person shared a vision of Christ (the Bridegroom) and His bride (you.) Here is what I wrote down from the beautiful vision...

"The bride is waiting at the door. This time the Bridegroom doesn't wait for her at the alter. He meets her at the door, to walk her all the way down the aisle. Once the Bridegroom touches her hand her garments are illuminated. (meaning illuminated by light. they can now be seen.) Rags. Filth! Rags clinging to her body. Covering her. Clinging to her.

It isn't until she touches His hand that these rags and filth covering her become visible. But once He touches her they are illuminated for all to see. For her family to see! All of her [disgusting sin] is exposed before those closer to her. Before her family's eyes!"

(I don't know if I remember the rest of the vision right, but I think) As the Bridegroom walks her down the aisle the rags and filth start falling, peeling off, falling to the floor.

... This vision reminds me of my friend James's dream. He told me about it awhile ago, and I asked him to send me a facebook message describing it...

"I remember being in a building and wondering around. It was a party of sorts, the mood was one of mixing with people - a good feeling. I didn't really have a purpose for being there per se, but I was engaged in moving around at the time. Anyway, eventually I came through a door standing in the middle of the room that people were passing through and moving on to another section of the building. I didn't know why I was passing through it but as soon as I did, I realized I had lots of dusty spider webs hanging on me and I was suddenly aware that I was very bent over. I straitened up and dusted off the webs with disgust. The dream was a description of death and the release of disgusting sin. I'm so looking forward to when I'll finally get all of this sin off me!! I can't even feel all the disgustingness of it while I'm alive either. For Christians, death means FREEDOM FROM SIN! I just want to be with my Jesus forever and not have to deal with anything that takes me away from Him. Praise God because He deserves it!"

When he first described the dream to me it was a picture of light illuminating the darkness. He described it also as when he touched Jesus's hand as he entered Heaven that he finally realized how incredibly bent over under filth he was. And that only by touching Jesus's hand was the filth able to fall off.


... what beautiful visions for us to look forward to as we await the coming of our Bridegroom. I can't wait to get all this disgusting FILTH and sin off me either!!!

I can't wait for freedom.
And to dance with the Bridegroom.
My Jesus. :)

"They came to John and said to him, 'Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—look, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him.' To this John replied, 'A person can receive only what is given them from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.’ The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.'"
-John 3:26-30



(Paul writes:) "I hope you will put up with me in a little foolishness. Yes, please put up with me! I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to Him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough"
-2 Corinthians 11:1-4

"Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the Word, so that He may present the church t Himself as glorious--not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless."
-Ephesians 5:25-27

'"Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.'

(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)

Then the angel said to me, 'Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!' And he added, 'These are the true words of God.'

At this I fell at his feet to worship him. But he said to me, 'Don’t do that! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers and sisters who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God! For it is the Spirit of prophecy who bears testimony to Jesus.'”

-Revelation 19:7-10

Cry out.

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye



And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right



There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus



For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough



For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering



When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus



To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

The beauty of these lyrics overwhelms me.
I have friends in all of these places.
I myself am in many of these places right now and often.


It is my desperate plea, that all would cry out to Jesus.


Even though it is so hard,
though we are too stubborn.
We don't want to let go.
We want to hold onto our pain,
our anxiety,
addictions
our ruts.
We don't want to let Love in.
But He still looks at us with compassion.
Even when we refuse Him, His arms remain open wide.


Mercy, Hope, Healing, and Love.
So hard to accept,
yet so freely and abundantly poured out by Him when we surrender.


He wants us to break down. To cry out from our weakness.
He wants to cover us. In Love. Forgiveness. His Blood.


There is Freedom in the release. Freedom and Life.
He just wants to hear our desperate cries.

The price is so very great, yet tiny at the same time.
The reward is Peace.

A day at a time.

I have so much trouble with this.
I desperately want control.
I want to plan.

I have trouble trusting.
Trusting that He will lead me.
Trusting that He will and already has placed people there.

I want to do MORE.
More for Him.
Love others more.

So I sit still and plan...


How stupid is this??!!!
Beyond stupid.

He wants me to let go.
Though it is harder than anything.
Though the anxiety fills me,

He wants release.


A day at a time.
He will work.
He will love.
Once I let His Peace in.

Once I cast all of this stupid anxiety on Him,
I will be free.

But instead I cling to my desire.
Desire for control.
I am scared.
Scared to step out.

Scared to not get all that I want accomplished.
Scared to leave my comfort zone.
Scared of wasting time.
Scared of the unknown.


I'm leaving.
Leaving this place.
Leaving my fear behind.

Leaving my lists unfinished.
Putting my foot down.
Saying "No" to anxiety.


HIS WILL BE DONE.
I'm choosing that plea instead of my fear.


It's time to embrace.
Live.
Laugh.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7

"Listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You're a mist that appears for a little while and vanishes. Instead, you should say, 'If it's the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil."
-James 4:13-16

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring."
-Proverbs 27:1

...



His way is so much better than mine.
And because of His rescue I will rejoice!

"They swarmed around me like bees,
but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them down.
I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
The LORD is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.

Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
'The LORD’s right hand has done mighty things!
The LORD’s right hand is lifted high;
the LORD’s right hand has done mighty things!'
I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
Open for me the gates of the righteous;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.

The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone;
the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
The LORD has done it this very day;
let us rejoice today and be glad.

LORD, save us!
LORD, grant us success!

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.
The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine on us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar.

You are my God, and I will praise you;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

-Psalm 118:12-29

Prayer Warrior part two; Faith not fear.

During these hard times I have also been very aware of how much I need God's help. I have an anxiety disorder, which means I am filled with anxiety a large amount of the time. Anxiety is sinful and selfish. It is the opposite of faith.

God continually shows me how sinful my thoughts are. I am desperate for change too!! And even more desperate for His constant mercy and love as I repeatedly tell Him sorry for my sinful thoughts and actions.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.¹¹ 'Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? ¹² Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!'"
-Luke 11:9-13

These verses remind me to ask for God's help. To continuously ask Him to fill me with the things of the Holy Spirit.

"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."
-Galatians 6:16-26

I need to continually ask God for more of every fruit. For more faith and peace so that I will not be anxious and fearful. For more love, patience, kindness, goodness, and gentleness as I interact with others. For patience with God to work in our hearts! For self-control to not give in to any temptation. And for joy over His love and promises. I need to ask for me to be filled and controlled by the Spirit as I interact and talk to others. I need to pray to let the Spirit control me instead of my flesh so that God will speak and love through me.

We already have the Holy Spirit inside us always, but God wants us to ask and pray to be led by it. To walk with it. To be filled more and more with the fruits. And to give the Holy Spirit control instead of ourselves!! God is a gracious Father who loves to fill us with the Holy Spirit!

For me it takes constantly asking over and over through out the day for God to fill me with each fruit, and it mostly takes choosing to live by faith. Believing we already have the self-control we need to say "No!" to temptation. Believing God is answering our prayers and working. Believing God is speaking and loving through us. Choosing to live by faith instead of fear. Choosing to embrace the peace and joy that comes from knowing of God's forgiveness and promise of Heaven.



These verses in Luke also remind me to keep praying for those who don't know Him. Who don't have the Holy Spirit inside them yet. I pray that they will begin to seek and knock. I pray that they will knock so that God can prove faithful and open the door of their hearts to Him.




...


I wrote this entry about a month ago as well. Around that time I chose to live "by faith and not fear." To live by hope. To allow God to fill me with peace and joy over Him, even when others are still struggling or depressed. I chose to embrace freedom in Christ!

I was struggling with little bits of depression each day until I made this choice to live "by faith not fear." I haven't felt those depressed feelings since!! I've still struggled with anxiety every day, but through it all I have peace, joy, and hope in me at the same time. Always. I know that God loves me and forgives me. I know that I have Heaven to look forward to. I know that He is working inside those who are struggling. He is answering my prayers!!!


Satan often fills me with lies. Makes me believe my hope and joy hurts others, but the truth is friends of told me, "Abby, we need that! We need to see that joy in Christ. It gives hope to us who are feeling so hopeless."

So, I am stepping out, bringing light and hope to this dark dark world.

I will keep praying. Keep trusting. Keep smiling over the thought of His love and grace. Keep holding onto the beautiful promise of eternal life with Him. And Keep living by faith not fear. It doesn't mean I will be happy all the time. I will still feel sad often for those who are struggling. Still feel sad and disgusted by sin. My heart will still break over how lost our world is. But God has shown me, He doesn't want me to be depressed. He wants me to put my hope in Him. He's in control and knows exactly what He's doing at all times.



Thanks God!!!

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
-Romans 5:1-5

Prayer Warrior part one; Not dead, merely asleep.

Lately times seem tough for everybody. People are struggling, hurting, stumbling in their faith, or hardening their hearts toward God's love and toward all that God has for them. People are not choosing faith and hope. People are suffering. People are dying.

During this time, my heart is aching. Aching for those who don't know Jesus. Aching for those who do but who are struggling. Aching for those who are unable to do what's hardest: simply have faith.

I thank God for these times. I thank Him for the sadness in my heart for others!! It creates a fire in my heart to witness. To share God's Word. To simply love. To let the Holy Spirit take over. And a fire in my heart to pray.



There is a growing sense of desperation in me. People are desperate for God. Desperate for help. I am desperately in need of God. And so I pray. With a heart filled with desperation and faith. I pray for hearts to be changed, I pray for eyes to be opened, I pray for my own selfish heart. I pray specific requests for friends, family members, and random people. I pray filled with faith because I know faith is what it takes for God to move.

And when I'm filled with sadness for those who are still hardened, God has told me in His Word to keep praying. Even harder. To trust Him. He's working in His perfect timing. Opening the Word has filled my heart with joy even more over God's great Power and the power of faith in Him.

"While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. 'Your daughter is dead,' he said. 'Don’t bother the teacher anymore.' ⁵⁰ Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, 'Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.' ⁵¹ When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child’s father and mother. ⁵² Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. 'Stop wailing,' Jesus said. 'She is not dead but asleep.' ⁵³ They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. ⁵⁴ But he took her by the hand and said, 'My child, get up!' ⁵⁵ Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat. ⁵⁶ Her parents were astonished, but he ordered them not to tell anyone what had happened."
-Luke 8:49-56

When reading this, I was filled with joy. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that those whose hearts I am praying to be opened to Him, those struggling in faith whose eyes I am praying to be opened to all God has for them right now, those who I am praying for to just simply have faith are merely asleep.


Prayers prayed full of faith that God actually WILL do what we ask are powerful. Start praying for the impossible. Ask God to work in people's hearts. Trust that God is working as you speak. Don't give up. Be relentless. These people are not dead. Only asleep!!!










... Okay. Oh my goodness!!!!! I wrote this a month ago. And I've known I've had it in my notebook waiting to type up this whole time, but I know why God was waiting until now. God has truly answered prayers. He has truly worked in people since a month ago. I've especially seen visible change in the exact two people I was thinking about when the Holy Spirit revealed to me while reading the Word that they were merely asleep. Those two people have both had breakthroughs. Huge breakthroughs (and healing.) And that is only a tiny bit of what God has done. God has done a lot of other little things that I've seen each day, and I have faith He's done even more that I haven't seen. God has given me amazing times with people, especially family members I was praying for, to witness and share. And their eyes and ears have truly been open to learning about God while we are talking. It has been beautiful. Wow, God!!! ...Read the the little paragraph above this one again. My answered prayers proved it right!

He isn't about flow, but counter-flow.

I went to a really beautiful two and a half hour long Easter Vigil service at the Catholic church with my grandpa and sister. The more I read the Word the more I really love going to the Catholic church. I don't agree with absolutely everything they do and believe, but the mass is beautifully filled with scripture!! The prayers are strait from the Bible. We sang so many beautiful Psalms!! I asked my grandpa if he can get me the books that have the sermons and prayers before they are thrown away. I loved everything we prayed, sang, and read, so much!! Because it was straight from the Bible, and the Word always fills me with joy!

The funny thing about going to the Catholic church (I grew up into it until about last year at this time), is no one smiles. Everyone is serious or frowning. I always feel like I am the only one smiling. But I could care less!!! If the Word fills me with that much joy, I can't help but smile even if I am with hundreds of frowning serious somber people! To me what we are saying, praying, singing, and listening to is beyond beautiful. I can't help but smile like a fool. :)


Anyway, the Priest gave a really good sermon.


He said, "Jesus is Radical. Counter-cultural.
He isn't about flow, but counter-flow.
He's about Care. Concern. Chastity.
Compassion. Truth. Keeping your word.
Respecting women, and not lusting after them.
true Joy!"



The message said a lot more good stuff too. The message he preached was that we need to be careful when we say we want to be like Jesus. When we say we want to be one with Him. Jesus is different! Radical. Counter-cultural. Do we really want to go against the norm? Do we really want to let Him in? Let Him work in us??


I do.

And I will add a few more to the list: He's about spending time at His Father's house. Loving your enemies. Turning your other cheek rather than seeking revenge.
Discipleship. Honesty. Brotherly love.
He's Rebellious. An enemy of the world. Non-materialistic.
Radical, CRAZY love for God and for all.

²⁴ "Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. ²⁵For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. ²⁶For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? ²⁷For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works. ²⁸Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom."

-Matthew 16:24-28

Jesus said, "You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, ⁴⁰ yet you refuse to come to me to have life. ⁴¹ “I do not accept glory from human beings, ⁴² but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. ⁴³ I have come in my Father’s name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. ⁴⁴ How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?"

-John 5:39-44


“The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. ⁹ I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings. ¹⁰ “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. ¹¹ So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? ¹² And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own? ¹³ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” ¹⁴ The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. ¹⁵ He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.
-Luke 16:8-15

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like You Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

the gruesome Truth. the Lamb. and the Glorious day.

When I think of Jesus, I get a picture of a man in my mind. A humble man, with a soft smile on His lips. I see Him extending His arms out to little children, ruffling their hair, calling them by name. Then He sees me, approaching Him on the grassy field. He calls to me, takes my hand, and He walks with me. I am filled with child-like faith, joy, and peace as I walk with Jesus into the distance...


I day dream about this all the time, picturing me and Jesus, walking in Heaven, laughing together.

The Jesus I most often picture is: Love, Compassion, Humility, Gentleness, Peace, Beauty through Mercy and Grace.


This picture is beautiful. It definitely represents a part of who Jesus is, but it is a very very very limited view compared to all of who He is and was when He was here on earth.

1 "Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him,
nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.
3 He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem.

4 Surely He took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered Him punished by God,
stricken by Him, and afflicted.
5 But He was pierced for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on Him,
and by His wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on Him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet He did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so He did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of His generation protested?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people He was punished.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in His death,
though He had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in His mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes His life an offering for sin,
He will see His offspring and prolong His days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in His hand.
11 After He has suffered,
He will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by His knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and He will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great,
and He will divide the spoils with the strong,
because He poured out His life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For He bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors."

-Isaiah 53:1-12

In the past week I have read this passage again and again and again every day. I've been reading Isaiah a lot lately, and when I came across this passage, I was filled with joy! And awe! I didn't remember ever reading it before (or realizing it was about Jesus before--though I have read the Bible many times in the past, and I'm sure each and every time I have been filled with a similar joy in the fact that some of words in here are very famous words I sing all the time, "He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our sins; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed." Even so, I had forgotten about this prophesy in Isaiah!!)



Each time I read it again and again, I am still filled with so much awe, and amazement. Wow. Jesus was disgusting in appearance. Not always beautiful on the outside like I picture Him. Isaiah says, "He had no beauty or majesty. Nothing that we should desire Him. Like one whom people hide their faces."

On the outside He was gross. Disgusting. Bloody. Wounded. And scarred. If we saw Jesus with the crown of thorns piercing through His head, with His beaten and pierced skin, with nails through His hands and feet, we would have to turn our heads. We'd be too disgusted to even look. We would not want to remember the horrible sight. We'd be more comfortable forgetting. Not seeing.

But this is Jesus!!!!!!

My precious Jesus. The same beautiful Jesus who's Hand I long to hold became so incredibly beaten and ugly, horribly DISGUSTINGLY crucified out of love for me and love for God His Father.





This passage in Isaiah compares that gruesome death to an innocent lamb being slaughtered.


I say, "Lamb of God, Prince of Peace" all the time. But recently this has began to mean so much more to me... Lately, I have been challenging myself to think deeply about Jesus as the Lamb. The innocent little Lamb slaughtered for my sins.


Exodus chapter 12 talks about when lamb's blood was smeared on door frames for Passover. Before this happened a family had to take a lamb into their home for a few days. The children and family may have become attached to the lamb during that time, and then they had to slaughter the innocent, cute little lamb, eat it, and spread its blood on their door frame.

The Passover and the Festival of Unleavened Bread

1 "The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, 2 “This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. 3 Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household. 4 If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. 5 The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. 6 Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the members of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. 7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. 8 That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. 9 Do not eat the meat raw or boiled in water, but roast it over a fire—with the head, legs and internal organs. 10 Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. 11 This is how you are to at it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD’s Passover. 12 “On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. 13 The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are, and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt. 14 “This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD—a lasting ordinance."

-Exodus 12:1-14

In the Old Testament the significance of the lamb was that Israel shed innocent blood. The lamb was a sacrifice. Its blood was a substitute for the blood of a person who would have been killed in the plague. From this night on Israel would remember that innocent life had been sacrificed in their place.

All of this foreshadowed what God would do with Jesus, the Lamb of God.

Jesus' blood was the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. Jesus' innocent blood was shed in our place so that we don't have to die to sin anymore. We are free from wrath! Free from the eternal fires of hell. Our sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus. God's love and Salvation now cover us. By faith in Jesus Christ we now have the gift of eternal life!!!!

"It was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a Lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through Him you believe in God, who raised Him from the dead and glorified Him, and so your faith and hope are in God. Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God."
-1 Peter 1:18-23

I've been thinking hard about all of this. Thinking about Jesus' love for me. The love that led Him to die this gruesome way for me. And the love He had for His Father that He would be obedient to Him until death. This shows that He really believed in the Father's love for Him and for us. Jesus' radical life and death show how much He believed that the joy ahead of Him was worth it!!!! He died for us, to be the offering, the sacrifice, the Lamb, so that our sins are now forgiven through His blood. He died so He could rise again. Be in Heaven with the Father. Give us new Life through His resurrection!!! And welcome us into His Kingdom. Wow. That is love.

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
-Hebrews 12:1-3

I've also been thinking about God's love for us.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him."
-John 3:16-17

I can't imagine how hard and painful that was for God to watch His beloved Son die that horrible gruesome death. But God loved me that much. And God, also, knew the joy that was coming. Why did God want us to share in that joy??!! He could've been selfish. Could've kept the joy of Heaven all for Himself. But He didn't. He loved us that much. Had so much compassion that He forgives us even though we have sinned horribly against Him.

"How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

God loves and forgives a horrible horrible sinner such as me so much that He slaughtered His innocent Son, the Lamb, for my sins. And He invites me to eternal life with Him!!!

"He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

-Romans 4:25-5:11

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom"

The best part is the joy that all this brings: the promise of eternal life!!! What a glorious day that will be when I can walk with Jesus.


Beautiful. Humble. Loving. Compassionate Jesus.


My Savior.

The Lamb.

My God.

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the Light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him,
the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

I am in a deep state of confusion and thought.
This happens to me quite often.



I feel so deeply saddened, worried for, and disgusted by this world.
It is so sinful. So dark. So lost.

Yet, most have no idea!!



We love to be self-focused. Pleasure seeking. Doing whatever "feels good."
Trying to escape, achieve, be happy, have fun.
Looking to other people to satisfy us. Putting our hope in human relationships.
In success. In having fun. In material things. In entertainment.
We love to eat or drink away our pain and anxiety.



This disgusts and saddens me.

What saddens me most is we are okay with it.
Too stubborn to change.

We don't want to trust God.
We don't want to surrender.

"For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles."
-Romans 1:21-23

"Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave themover to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents, they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."
-Romans 1:28-32

We desperately need to repent!!!
But we refuse.

We'd rather wait. Sin now.
Give in to temptation.
Banking on the fact: "God will forgive me later."
"I can repent later."
"I am already saved."
Listening to the lies...
"Everyone else is doing it."


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Sorry...
I am just angry at myself.
Angry at myself for being so sinful.
For continuing to turn to food in times of anxiety.
IT DOES NOT SATISFY.
It might for a second.
But later it HURTS me.
And it always hurts God horribly.



He doesn't deserve that!!!
He deserves my love.
My heart.
My praise.
My purity.
I want to keep His commands out of love for Him.
I desperately want to bless His heart.




I want my heart to break. I need my heart to break. I need to hate my sin. To hate it so bad that I can say, "No!" That I can cry out in desperation, "Help me God!"



He gives us enough self-control and help to stop.

While I was writing this, during all my confusion and anxiety over all the thoughts in my head, I started using food to help me write. To help me cope. To calm my anxious mind. Not good. For me that is a sin.


So I cried out to God fo help and strength. It was my choice to use the food and my choice to stop. Even if I felt trapped, I wasn't. He gave me the strength to say, "No." To put away the food. And to say, "No more."

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
-Matthew 26:41

But please pray for me. Pray my heart can break even further. Further so that I never turn to food again. I want to be free from turning to food completely. I know I can be right now!! All it takes is faith in Him. That He is enough. That I don't need the food.

Having faith is the hardest thing in the world, especially when we are weak. But He IS enough. And He IS our strength. We can do all things through Christ. If we just believe it! :)

I repented for turning to food and for all the many sins and sinful thoughts I've recently committed.

Now all I can say is,

"Thank You."
From the depths of my heart,
Thank You God for Your Mercy.
Thank You for Your death and suffering.
Thank You for Your love.

All I do is bruise You. All I do is crucify You with my thoughts.
All I do is bring You pain, blood, and tears.
Yet, You still look on me with compassion.
You still forgive. Still love.

Thank You Jesus.
I owe it all, my all, to You.







Going out into the world is so incredibly hard for me. I pray for God to fill me with every fruit of the Spirit. I pray for God to fill me with His love. I ask the Holy Spirit for help. I pray, "God, break my heart for what breaks Yours." And when I go out, my heart breaks hard.

I am deeply saddened and disgusted by how filled with sin this world is. How much we are constantly fed lies by our media, our culture, and our own flesh.

I hate sin. I hate the sin I do and the sin everyone else does.


And God's really been working in my heart lately. Teaching me. Opening my eyes as I pray to Him, listen for Him, and read His Word. I've learned I need to be really careful as my heart breaks like this. I want to hate the sin people do, but I do not want to judge the people for their sin. Doing so is completely hypocritical as I am a sinner myself!! It is only God's job to judge. I can't see people's hearts. Instead, I must let this breaking lead me to God's heart: mercy and grace. All I can do is pray hard. Pray hard that they do love God with their whole heart, that they are or will seek Him, that they are repenting for their sins. I need to leave the judging and condemning to Him. For as much as I judge others He will judge me!! That's a very scary thought, because I need to work on all the things I am praying for others for just as much as anybody else!!!

"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things. Now we know that God's judgement against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being pass judgement on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgement? Or do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?"
-Romans 2:1-4

Dear Lord, please help me.
I often find myself being horribly judgemental!!!
I need Your help badly, Dear Lord.
Help me to be more like You.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
But keep me from all judgement, pride, or selfish thought.
I don't want to condemn others! anymore!!
Instead, with this breaking of my heart, lplease lead me.
Lead me to my knees.
To fear You.
To prayer.
To Your heart.
Lead me to the cross.
Understanding.
Compassion.
Gentleness.
Kindness.
Humility.
Peace.
Mercy.
Grace.
Love.
Jesus.



Please take my selfish heart and make it new.
Make it like You.




Thank You Jesus for Your mercy on a sinner like me.
And thank You for Your help.
I need You.

My unfaithfulness. His mercy.

God has been touching my heart in so many ways lately.



One of the most beautiful ways has been through opening my eyes even further to His love. His love through the rescue. His love for us and desire to save us even though we are so sinful. Even though our sin hurts Him so!! Even though we are stubborn and think we don't need Him. He is relentless. Still desperately after our hearts.

Isaiah 43

God’s Mercy and Israel’s Unfaithfulness

¹⁶ This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,
¹⁷ who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
¹⁸ “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
²⁰ The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
²¹ the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise.

²² “Yet you have not called on me, Jacob,
you have not wearied yourselves for me, Israel.
²³ You have not brought me sheep for burnt offerings,
nor honored me with your sacrifices.
I have not burdened you with grain offerings
nor wearied you with demands for incense.
²⁴ You have not bought any fragrant calamus for me,
or lavished on me the fat of your sacrifices.
But you have burdened me with your sins
and wearied me with your offenses.

²⁵ “I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
²⁶ Review the past for me,
let us argue the matter together;
state the case for your innocence.
²⁷ Your first father sinned;
those I sent to teach you rebelled against me.
²⁸ So I disgraced the dignitaries of your temple;
I consigned Jacob to destruction
and Israel to scorn.

Isaiah 44

Israel the Chosen

¹ “But now listen, Jacob, my servant,
Israel, whom I have chosen.
² This is what the LORD says—
he who made you, who formed you in the womb,
and who will help you:
Do not be afraid, Jacob, my servant,
Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.
³ For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
⁴ They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
like poplar trees by flowing streams.
⁵ Some will say, ‘I belong to the LORD’;
others will call themselves by the name of Jacob;
still others will write on their hand, ‘The LORD’s,’
and will take the name Israel.

The LORD, Not Idols

⁶ “This is what the LORD says—
Israel’s King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty:
I am the first and I am the last;
apart from me there is no God.
⁷ Who then is like me? Let him proclaim it.
Let him declare and lay out before me
what has happened since I established my ancient people,
and what is yet to come—
yes, let them foretell what will come.
⁸ Do not tremble, do not be afraid.
Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?
You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me?
No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.”

⁹ All who make idols are nothing,
and the things they treasure are worthless.
Those who would speak up for them are blind;
they are ignorant, to their own shame.
¹⁰ Who shapes a god and casts an idol,
which can profit nothing?
¹¹ People who do that will be put to shame;
such craftsmen are only human beings.
Let them all come together and take their stand;
they will be brought down to terror and shame.

¹² The blacksmith takes a tool
and works with it in the coals;
he shapes an idol with hammers,
he forges it with the might of his arm.
He gets hungry and loses his strength;
he drinks no water and grows faint.
¹³ The carpenter measures with a line
and makes an outline with a marker;
he roughs it out with chisels
and marks it with compasses.
He shapes it in human form,
human form in all its glory,
that it may dwell in a shrine.
¹⁴ He cut down cedars,
or perhaps took a cypress or oak.
He let it grow among the trees of the forest,
or planted a pine, and the rain made it grow.
¹⁵ It is used as fuel for burning;
some of it he takes and warms himself,
he kindles a fire and bakes bread.
But he also fashions a god and worships it;
he makes an idol and bows down to it.
¹⁶ Half of the wood he burns in the fire;
over it he prepares his meal,
he roasts his meat and eats his fill.
He also warms himself and says,
“Ah! I am warm; I see the fire.”
¹⁷ From the rest he makes a god, his idol;
he bows down to it and worships.
He prays to it and says,
“Save me! You are my god!”
¹⁸ They know nothing, they understand nothing;
their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see,
and their minds closed so they cannot understand.
¹⁹ No one stops to think,
no one has the knowledge or understanding to say,
“Half of it I used for fuel;
I even baked bread over its coals,
I roasted meat and I ate.
Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left?
Shall I bow down to a block of wood?”
²⁰ Such a person feeds on ashes; a deluded heart misleads him;
he cannot save himself, or say,
“Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?”

²¹ “Remember these things, Jacob,
for you, Israel, are my servant.
I have made you, you are my servant;
Israel, I will not forget you.
²² I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me,
for I have redeemed you.”

²³ Sing for joy, you heavens, for the LORD has done this;
shout aloud, you earth beneath.
Burst into song, you mountains,
you forests and all your trees,
for the LORD has redeemed Jacob,
he displays his glory in Israel.

...

I just can't get over this. I keep reading verses and chapters in Isaiah again and again. And keep hungering to read more and more of the Bible, His love is just blowing me away!!!!!!

Even though we constantly hurt Him with all of our sins, even though we turn away, we are stubborn, we worship idols, we worship ourselves, He is still after us!!! His plan is still to redeem us. That is why He sent Jesus.

All of Isaiah foreshadows the coming of Christ. Through Christ, through the cross, through forgiveness of sins, Israel is redeemed. So are we.

The small price is faith.












... All of this excites and delights me. I am so excited to forget school. Forget all the superficial worries of this world. And just worship Jesus during this Easter week.

...

I wish I could sit forever.
(coming out of the mouth of me who always likes to be moving, these words are strange.)


Strange, but true.

I want to sit forever.
and just think.
Think about Him.


God's beauty that covers the earth.
In the green of the grass, the blue of the sky,
All creation draws me to Him.





I don't have words for Him.


Holy
Majestic
Powerful
Mighty
Beautiful
Good


Merciful
Loving
Compassionate
Gracious
Humble
Saving



All of these words come to mind as I sit in awe and wonder.

But none compare.
My mind is much too small.
every word is nothing.

Only a tiny glimpse of Him.




The beauty in His creation makes me smile,
bringing praises to my lips.
It is all painted, sculpted carefully by Him.

But I know that all I can see does not compare to all He is.










... And then I think on His love.

Even this word is so tiny compared to His heart for me.


Though I deserve to burn forever in hell, He looks at me with eyes filled with tears
of grace.
Love deeper than the word as we know it.




He runs to me, scoops me up, twirls me around and around.
Fast circles.
So fast, I'm laughing loudly.
He throws me, just into the air,
and catches me gently, spinning me again.

He takes my breath away.
And calls me His.







All I want to do is sit.
Get lost in awe.

Forget about the world.
Lose track of time.


Just sit
forever, with Him on my mind and praises on my lips.